Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better computer programmer.
This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the
judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously
for several hours, lines of code streaming up the screen.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking
out the electricity. Moments later when the power is restored, God announces
that the contest is over.

He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and
cries, I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out.

Very well, then, says God, let us see if Jesus fared any better. Jesus
enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of
an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.

Satan is astonished. He stutters, But how? I lost everything, yet Jesus
program is intact! How did he do it?

God looked at Satan and smiled. Jesus saves.

Q&As about Salami Bin Coward & the Talibuttheads:

Q: Why does Salami Bin Coward carry a Turd in his pocket?

A: Its his photo ID.

Q: What do Salami Bin Coward and Hiroshima have in common?

A: Nothing – yet.

Q: How do you play Talibutthead bingo?

A: B-52…F-16…B-1…

Q: What is the Talibuttheads national bird?

A: Duck.

Q: How is Salami Bin Coward like Fred Flintstone?

A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Q: What does Salami Bin Coward and General Custer have in common?

A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q: Whats the difference between the Talibuttheads and a bucket of crap?

A: The bucket.

Q: Whats the five day forecast for Afghanistan?

A: Two days.

Q: Why dont Salami Bin Cowards people eat turd sandwiches?

A: They hate bread.

Q: Why dont the Talibuttheads have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day?

A: The camels cant handle it.

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter. In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc.

Arriving home around noon one day, she found her husband in a very drunken state. Over the next few minutes she heard of the ravages of financial ruin caused by corporate down sizing and its effects on a 50 year old executive.

Nonplused she loaded him into her car and drove down to the local hospital.

Pointing to the fine structure she informed him that he owned the land it was built on and that they paid him $6000 per month rent. She handed him a bank book showing deposits and interest for 12 years totaling nearly $1 million dollars.

Pointing across the parking lot she gestured toward the local bank while handing him stock certificates worth nearly $2 million dollars and informing him that he was the largest stockholder in the bank. She told him that for 30 years she had charged him each time they had sex, and this was the result of her investments.

By now he was distraught and beating his head against the side of the car.

She asked him why the seemingly disappointment at such good news and he replied, If I had known what you were doing, I would have given you all of my business!

Cigarette smoke is the residue of your pleasure. It permeates the air and putrefies my hair and clothes, not to mention my lungs. This takes place without my consent. I have a pleasure also. I like a beer now and again. The residue from my pleasure is urine. Would you be annoyed if I stood on a chair and pissed on your head and clothes without your consent?

All children who entered the world in the 1980s and later were born with a special mutated gene that enables them to know which buttons to push on electronic gadgets.

The bell-ringer for the church had just passed away, so the priest was looking for someone new to ring the bell. Then one day this man comes out of nowhere and starts banging on the door. The priest opens the door and sees that the man has no arms. The priest asks him, "How can you ring the bell?" The man said, "Let me show you." They went up to the bell and the man started hitting the bell with his head. The bell starts to swaying and the man misses, then he goes flying through the window. Two more priests come running and ask, "What happened? Who was that?" The second man said, "I dont know but that face sure rings a bell."

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, Those must be deer tracks! The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks! The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"
They where still arguing 10 mins. later when a train hit them!

A couple were in bed after celebrating their golden anniversary. The wife Said, Darling, embrace me the way you used to when we first got Married. He did.

Now kiss me the way you used to…

Now darling, bite me the way you used to.

At this point the husband got out of bed and the wife said, Where are you going dear?

To get my teeth, dear, the husband replied.

A friend of mine told me this story about his sister,
a veterinarian, who had to visit the doctor. The doctor asked
her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they
been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him:

Hey look, Im a vet–I dont need to ask my patients these kind
of questions: I can tell whats wrong just by looking. Why cant you?

The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription,
and handed it to her, with the words: There you are. Of course,
if that doesnt work, well have to have you put down.

Toasters are an often overlooked part of life. But their importance is great! A good toaster which evenly toasts the bread to the perfect light browness of delectablity is worth its weight in gold and if it can do bagels, look out! The question is what if the BIGGIES IN TECHNO made toasters? If IBM made toasters…
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters. If Xerox made toasters…
You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you. If Radio Shack made toasters…
The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster. If Oracle made toasters…
Theyd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home youd discover the Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant extension was years away, and that indeed the whole toaster was just blowing smoke. If Sun made toasters…
The toast would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa Java. Does DEC still make toasters?…
They made good toasters in the 80s, didnt they? If Hewlett-Packard made toasters…
They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread. If Tandem made toasters…
You could make toast 24 hours a day, and if a piece got burned the toaster would automatically toast you a new one. If Thinking Machines made toasters…
You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same time. If Cray made toasters…
They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other single-slice toaster in the world. If The Rand Corporation made toasters…
It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube. Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their ser