From rec.arts.sf.written, in a thread entitled What is AOL?

> An organization set up to give Internetters someone to make ethnic jokes
> about.
>
>–
> Arthur D. Hlavaty hlavaty@panix.com

A man walks into a New York bank, and says hes going to Europe for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. For collateral, he offers his new Rolls Royce.

The bank is satisfied and parks it in their secured underground garage. Two weeks later to the day, the man returns to the bank, repays the $5000 and interest of $15.41.

The loan officer says inquiringly, Sir, we were delighted to have your business but, in checking your credit, we learned you are a multimillionaire. Why ever did you need to borrow $5000?

Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for $15.41?

Whats the difference between an English Sheepherder and Mick Jagger?

Mick Jagger sings Hey, Hey, you, you , get off of my cloud.

An English sheepherder says: Hey, Hey MacCloud! Get off of my ewe!

After a meeting with the Pope, Bill Clinton held a press conference

and announced that they had a very successful conference and had

agreed on about 60% of what they discussed.

When asked what they discussed, Clinton replied: The Ten

commandments.

Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath.

Just as he became comfortable, the doorbell rang.

The man got out of the tub, put on his slippers and robe and went to the door.

A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any brushes.

Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath.

The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and robe, and the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell backward, and hit his back against the hard porcelain bathtub.

Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and with every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor.

After examining him, the doctor said, You know, youve been lucky.

Nothing is broken. But you need to relax…

Why dont you go home and take a long hot bath?

1: How come youre so succesful with picking up women?

2: Ill tell you why. I go into a bar, order a drink, and casually put my car-keys with the Ferrari hanger on the counter. After they see the hanger, you can get any woman you want. All women love fast cars and rich men.

Two weeks later they meet again.

2: So how is it going?

1: I used your tip, I bought a Lambo-hanger, but still I havent picked up a woman.

2: Ill tell you whats wrong. When you go to a bar and you sit down, always take your helmet of.

Moshe is driving around in a car park, but to his dismay, he cannot find a parking space. He drives around for half an hour then looks up to the heavens and says:

Excuse me? Its Moshe. G-d I really need your help. I cant find a parking space. I promise if you find me one I will go to shul every week and I will keep every Jewish law ever written!

Just then, a parking space appears in front of him. Moshe looks up to the sky again and says:

Actually, dont worry G-d, I just found one!

12. In the Star Wars universe, weapons are rarely, if ever, set on stun.
11.The enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of 20 just to go into warp — the Millenium Falcon does the same thing with R2-D2 and a Wookie.
10. After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess
still looks fresh and desirable — after pithy Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looks like hell.
9.Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.
8. Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters.
7. One word: lightsabers!
6.The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named Slave I.
5.The Death Star doesnt care if the Earth is class M or not.
4. Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance.
3. Picard pilots through the Enterprise through an asteroid belt at one-quarter inpulse power. Han Solo floors it.
2. Aliens have make-up in other places than their foreheads.
1. Death Star vs. Enterprise!

Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctors?
A: Because he was feeling crummy!

What did God say after he created man?

I can do better than this and he made woman.

But the disruptions created in Adams internals when God removed his rib were so great that it caused Adams brain to sink down into his testicles.

And so one of Eves first assignments was to explain to Adam the difference between his black and navy blue socks.