A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs.

The son is just a head!

But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy.

With the entire bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy.

The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.

The patrons chant Take another drink!

The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.

Swoooop! Two arms pop out! The bar goes wild.

The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant Take another drink! The bartender ignores the whole affair.

By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.

Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.

The father falls to his knees, overcome with joy.

The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left, then to the right… Right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.

The bar falls silent.

The father moans in grief.

The bartender sighs and says, He should have quit while he was a head

The matchmaker goes to visit Nathan Birnbaum, a handsome, middle-aged, bachelor, and owner of several very sucessful Gentlemans Clubs.


She claimed she had the perfect match for him.

Vat do I need a vife for, I have two young sisters det look after all my all my needs.

Dats all vell and gut she replied, However, your sisters cant fulfill the role of a vife.

I said I had two sisters, I didnt say det vere MY sisters

A man takes his wife hunting, and impresses on her again and
again that If you shoot a deer, dont let someone else claim
that they shot it also and that since they killed it… its
their deer!

So … hes in his stand hardly for 10 minutes when
he hears his wife shooting nearby. He rushes over to her stand
to find her pointing her gun at a man who is loudly
disclaiming… Its your deer lady..Its your deer… Just
lemme get my saddle off it!!!!

It was early morning at an Army camp and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper:

Ames
Here!

Jenson
Here!

Jones
Here!

Magersky
Here!

Seeback
—

Seeback!
—

SEEBACK!!!
—

At that point, someone whispered into the first sergeants ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, quickly turned over the list and continued calling the names printed on the other side.

Whats the difference between a bar and a clitoris?

Most men have no trouble finding a bar.

The jetliner was taking off from Chicagos OHare airport.
Shortly after it reached the cruising altitude, the captain began his normal welcoming remarks…
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. . . Welcome to Flight 4295, nonstop from Chicago to Newark. Our weather ahead is good and with the tail wind we anticipate a smooth and uneventful flight. So sit back and relax – OH NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
Silence followed and after a few minutes, the intercom came to life once again. The calm voice of the captain said, Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was finishing my announcement, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the whole thing right my lap. You should see the front of my pants!
A passenger in Coach said, Yeah, right… He should see the back of mine!

A golfer was having such a terrible day one day that he couldnt help but take it out on his caddy. Youre terrible! he screamed. When we get back to the clubhouse, Im going to see that you get fired!
Thats okay by me, the caddy replied calmly. By the time we get back to the clubhouse, Ill be old enough to get a regular job!

You might be a redneck if…
You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.

A man went to see a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but didnt seem to be getting a clear picture of his problems.
Finally he asked, Do you ever watch your girlfriends face while youre having sex?

Well, yes, I did once.

Well, how did she look?

Oh boy… she looked very angry!

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, Well thats very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriends face once during sex. That seems somewhat unusual to me. How did it occur that you saw her face that time?

She was watching us through the window!

Theres this mushroom who walks into a bar one night. All he wants is one beer. So he goes up to the bar, hops up on the stool and asks the bartender for a beer.

Bartender: Sorry mister, cant give it to ya. Mushroom: Cmon, just one beer..please? Bartender: Nope, cant do it.

The mushroom looks around and says again, Cmon, just..just one beer and then Ill leave you alone. Bartender: Look, for the last time…Im not serving you the damn beer!

Finally the mushroom says to the bartender, Hey, cmon man…Im a Fun-gi!