Yo Mommas so old she got powderd milk in her boobs!

A pregnant lady was travelling on a bus. The man opposite her stared and laughed at her.

The embarassed lady moved herself to the next seat. Then the man burst with laughter.

She went to Court and sued him for damages.

In his defense, the man told the Judge, My Lord! If you were in my place, you would have done the same thing.

The judge, for the sake of the case, got on the bus, at the same stop, and the scene was reinacted.

The Judge could not control his laughter and dismissed the case.

The advertisement display board above the first seat for a shaving stick soap Company read, Williams stick did the trick.

The advertisement display board above the second seat for Dunlop Tyre Company read, Rubber Goods would have saved the trouble.

What did the Catholic
Church call its new fat-free, low-calorie communion wafer?
"I cant believe its not Jesus!"

A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the point where the pathways meet. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap. When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind. The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was. The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, Youve got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit! The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snakes body for a few minutes, he asserted, Well, youre scaly, youre slimy, youve got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and youve got a forked tongue. I think youre a lawyer!

Grandma was always busy in her kitchen. She would be baking one kind of cookie or another. Chocolate Chip, Oatmeal Raisin, Molasses, Chocolate Chocolate Chip, she made all kinds. One time our family visited when she was making a batch of her Mini Vanilla Sandwich cookies. My brother and I would anxiously wait for them to come down the conveyor belt. We then snatched a handful of the warm cookies before they were shoveled into the cellophane bag and sealed shut by the huge machine. Nothing says love like warm Grandma’s Mini Vanilla Sandwich cookies.

An eagle was feeling rather horny, so he swooped down on a dove and
took it back to his nest. Once back at the nest the dove said, Im a dove
and I like love.

The eagle thought, Stuff that, and tossed the dove out of the
nest. Then the eagle spotted an owl. So he swooped down on the owl and
took it back to his nest. Once back at the nest the owl said, Im an owl
and I like to howl.

The eagle thought, Stuff that, and tossed the owl out of the
nest. Then the eagle spotted an duck. So he swooped down on the duck and
took it back to his nest. Once back at the nest the duck said, Im a
drake and I think youve made a mistake!

Brad. W. A. Regional Computing Centre

A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. Im doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and Im starting to get the hang of this.After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadnt radioed in.A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.When he asked what happened, she said, I dont know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. Who is it?, calls one of the nuns. Blind man, replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, so they open the door. Nice butt, sister, says the man, where do you want these blinds?

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses. Teller: You certainly do. This is a bank!

Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land a a huge glass of that drink. The first man went down yelling, Beerrr!!! Plop! He landed in a glass of beer. The second guy went down the slide yelling,lemonadeee!!! Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade. The third guy went down the slide yelling wheeeeeeeee!!!