What do you call a chicken that crosses the road rolls in dirt and comes back?
A dirty double crosser

And then there was the boxing referee who used to work for NASA; everytime a fighter would go down, hed start counting 10, 9,

8….

Why did Beethoven kill his chicken?
It kept saying Bach, Bach, Bach…

A guy has been suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures hes referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies.

I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and….

He is interrupted by the doctor, And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear.

Yes! Exactly! How did you know?

Well I am the worlds greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes.

Two weeks go by and the man is back, Well, how do you feel?

Doc, Im a new man! I feel great! I havent had a headache since I started this treatment! I cant thank you enough. And, by the way you have a lovely home.

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

Why? asks the father.

The teacher asked How much is 2×3? I said 6

But thats right!

Then she asked me How much is 3×2?

His father asks, Whats the fucking difference?

Johnny says, Thats exactly what I said!

An Ice-cream man getting mugged.

Question: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer: Just one … but the lightbulb has to REALLY want to change!

A while ago somebody reminded me this old Eastern-European joke. I cannot
give any source – this is folklore.

An old Jew and a young Jew are traveling on the train. The young
Jew asks: Excuse me, what time is it? The old Jew does not
answer. Excuse me, sir, what time is it? The old Jew keeps
silent. Sir, Im asking you what time is it. Why dont you
answer?! The old Jew says: Son, the next stop is the last on
this route. I dont know you, so you must be a stranger. If I
answer you now, Ill have to invite you to my home. Youre handsome,
and I have a beautiful daughter. You will both fall in love
and you will want to get married. Tell me, why would I need a
son-in-law who cant even afford a watch?

You could be a redneck if you were just married and you have nothing but empty Skoal cans strung from your bumper as you leave the church.

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms.

The father replies, Well, you see that 3 pack? Thats for when youre in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.

The son then asks his father, Well whats the 6 pack for? The father replies, Well, thats for when youre in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.

Then the son asks his father what the 12 pack is for. The father replies, Well, thats for when youre married… You have one for January, one for February, one for March…