One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in America. A lady came and asked him, Are you relaxing Sardar answered No I am Banta Singh Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered No No Me Banta Singh Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him Are you Relaxing? The other Sardar was much educated and answered Yes I am relaxing Our Sardar slapped him on his face and said, Salay, Sab tere Ko wahah doond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai

A friend of mine studying medicine once told me this story.

Apparently one day there was a lab where all the students were
learning how to identify various cells. As samples they were
using tissue scraped from the inside of the mouth.

One girl was having terrible difficulties figuring out what kind of cell
she was seeing under her microscope–eventually she called over the
teaching assistant to identify it.

He came over, smirked, and exclaimed, loud enough for everyone to hear,
Oh wow! Thats a sperm cell!

She was somewhat more careful after that experience….

Santa goes to see his supervisor in the front office.

Boss, he says, were doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.

Were short-handed, Smith the boss replies. I cant give you the day off.

Thanks, boss, says Smith I knew I could count on you!

Theyre both cool until your friends catch you on them.

Q: Why did the mathemetician join a buddhist cult?
A: Because he had a transcendental experience

There was a blonde and she went to get her hair cut. She went into the salon with headphones on and she wouldnt take them off. Soon she fell asleep. The lady took her headphones off and then left to get shampoo. When she came back the blonde was dead. The headphones were playing breathe in breathe out.

Thoroughly clean the toilet.
Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and lift both lids.
Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him to the bathroom.
In one smooth movement, put the cat into the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the top so he cannot escape.) CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the cat, as his paws will be reaching for anything they can find.
Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a power wash and rinse which I have found to be quite effective.
Have someone open the back door and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the garden.
Stand behind the toilet as much as you can and lift both lids quickly.
The freshly cleaned cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside, where he will dry himself. Sincerely, The Dog

1. Stray cats will not be fed.

2. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food.

3. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with a little
milk.

4. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with warm
milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.

5. Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent residence.

6. Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and cuddled
unnecessarily.

7. Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will absolutely
not be given a name.

8. Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house at any
time.

9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except at certain times.

10. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except on days ending in
"y."

11. Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their
claws on the furniture.

12. Stray cats will not be permitted to jump up on, or sharpen claws on the
really good furniture.

13. Stray cats may be permitted on furniture but must sharpen claws on new
£59.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.

14. Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the dirt.

15. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece, high-impact
plastic tray filled with Fresh n Sweet kitty litter.

16. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan with a
three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.

17. Stray cats will sleep outside.

18. Stray cats will sleep in the garage.

19. Stray cats will sleep in the house.

20. Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket.

21. Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with non-allergenic
lambs wool pillow.

22. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.

23. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the foot.

24. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers.

Reaching the end of a jobinterview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT what kind of a salary he was looking for. "Inthe neighborhood of $140,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, fullmedical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company carleased every 2 years…say, a red Corvette?" "Wow! Are you kidding?" "Yeah, but you started it."

Well it seems that there was some mixup in one of the local papers, and it said that Elvis would be ariving in Denver.

When the Pope landed, and got off the plane, threre was a large group of people chanting: Elvis … Elvis … Elvis.

No, no. Im not Elvis, stated the Pope, I am the Pope. When he gave a short speech, thre was still a large group of people chanting: Elvis … Elvis … Elvis.

No, he told the crowd, Im not Elvis.

The Pope was tired so he went back to his hotel room. When he got to his room, there were a bunch of scantly clad women. They started screaming Oh, look its Elvis!

To which the Pope replied Thank-you. Thank-you. Thank-you very much.