Chelsea asked her dad, Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time…? Bill Clinton replied, No. Some begin with After Im elected…
16
Jul
16
Jul
20. Thou shalt observe BBS time limits.
16
Jul
Do you know what a Yankee is?
Same as a quickie, except youre by yourself
16
Jul
Un señor va por la calle y se encuentra con un amigo:
Hombre ¿qué tal estás? HacÃa mucho tiempo que no te veÃa.
El amigo le responde:
Muy bien, me casé, ¿y tú?
SÃ, yo también, y tengo dos hijas, Colgate y Profiden.
El amigo se queda impresionado, pero no dice nada. Luego agrega:
Yo tengo una hija y se llama MarÃa.
El otro, sorprendido, le responde:
¡Ahhhhh, como las galletas!
16
Jul
On the first day of school, a 3rd grade teacher told her class: Now that you are grown up, I dont want to hear anymore baby talk. Id like each of you to tell us what you did during the summer vacation. Well start with Billy.
Billy: I went on a long trip with my family in the putt-putt.
Teacher: No, Billy, its not a putt-putt. Its a car. No more baby talk. Sally, youre next.
Sally: We went on a trip on a choo-choo to see Grandma.
Teacher: Sally, its not a choo-choo. Its a train. Please no more baby words. Mikey, what did you do?
Mikey: I didnt go anywhere. I stayed home and read my favorite book.
Teacher: And whats the name of the book.
Mikey looked embarrassed and shook his head.
Teacher: Come on, Mikey. Youre a big boy now. Tell us the name of the book and dont use any baby talk.
Mikey looked up, blushed, and said: O.K. ….. Winne-the-Shit!
16
Jul
It was the final examination for an introductory Biology course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 500 students in the class!
The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. Half of an hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
Youre not going to have time to finish this, the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.
Yes I will, replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. An hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
No you dont, Im not going to accept that. Its late.
The student looked incredulous and angry.
Do you know who I am?
No, as a matter of fact I dont, replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
Do you know who I am? the student asked again in a louder voice.
No, and I dont care. replied the professor with an air of superiority.
Good, replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
16
Jul
Never volunteer for anything.
16
Jul
Self starters…will not.
16
Jul
Smile…. It confuses people!
16
Jul
Heres why……
Im tired. For a couple of years Ive been blaming it on iron-poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason: Im tired because Im overworked.
The population of USA is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And youre sitting there reading this.
No wonder Im tired; Im the only one working.