Old and New Jokes

I saw a notice on a bulletin board in Church one day. It read:

All girls who want to be Alter boys please see the Minister – Dr. Smith after last Mass today

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

Youre running around with other women, she charged.

Youre being unreasonable, Adam responded.

Youre the only woman on earth!

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

What do you think youre doing? Adam demanded.

Counting your ribs, said Eve!

Why do men like BMWs?

They can spell it.

Ever walk into a room and forget what you came in for?

Well, thats probably how dogs spend most of their lives…

You might be a redneck… If your Uncle made your car tag.

When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

Your screen door has no screen.

Your biggest ambition in live is to git that big ole coon.

Q: How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One–and thats what his degree will be in!

Note: Because Brown has no real core curriculum.

Q: How many Trimarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Leave it out, it was only attracting mosquitos anyway.

A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend.

In his grief, one of the three said, In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they’ll have something to pay taxs over there.

They all agreed that this was appropriate.

The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket and walked away in tears.

The car salesman did the same.

The lawyer looked around and seeing no one was near the coffin, he took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.