Durante un vuelo a Nueva York iba un señor de aspecto muy distinguido sentado junto a una dama que lucía muy profesional. Este hombre era de aquellos, a los que les resultaba imposible estar a la par de alguien sin entablar conversación de forma que la inició mas o menos como a continuación les relato:

Hola… ¿viaja usted a Nueva York?

Sí señor -dijo ella- sin mostrar interés alguno por continuar la charla.

¡Qué interesante! -exclamó él en tono muy grave – y sin darse por vencido prosiguió ¿va de vacaciones?

No señor voy en vías de trabajo.

¡Que interesante!… ¿y usted a que se dedica?

Como a todos nos pasa, sintió el agrado de poder elevar el ego, -soy Psicóloga, poseo un master en Sexualidad Humana -dijo simulando indiferencia.

¡Qué interesante! -replicó él – supongo que en Nueva York tiene su oficina de trabajo.

No, me dirijo para allá dado que esta semana se celebra el Congreso Mundial de Sexología y yo soy una de las expositoras.

¡Qué interesante! – volvió a decir mientras su entusiasmo iba claramente en aumento – ¿puedo saber de que trata su cátedra?

Desde luego – afirmó ella interesada ya en la plática – voy a dictar una conferencia magistral sobre el tamaño del pene de los hombres, presentaré una evaluación retrospectiva preliminar de los diferentes grupos étnicos, he dedicado mi vida a esta investigación.

¡Qué interesante! – contestó el hombre subiendo el tono y agravando la voz delatando su entusiasmo – y cuénteme… ¿qué ha podido determinar usted?

Pues le diré, contrario a lo que usted está pensando en este momento no son los hombres de raza negra los que tienen el pene mas largo.

¡Qué interesante!… y entonces ¿quiénes son?

Son los Apaches señor, pero no son ellos los que lo tienen mas grueso.

¡Qué interesante!… Supongo que ahí si entran los negros.

No señor, los Judíos, son ellos quienes lo tienen mas grueso.

En este momento el avión ya había llegado a la manga de la terminal aérea, lo que hacía necesario concluir tan científica tertulia, por lo que ella concluyó diciendo:

Que gran gusto fue para mi conocerlo soy la Dra. Pria Po, me gustaría invitarle a escuchar mi conferencia ¿con quién tuve el gusto?

Doctora Po, el gusto ha sido mío, ¡mi nombre es Toro Sentado Rosemberg!

Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green.



The third guy got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drainspout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a little stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly a very large bullfrog jumped up on a lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the cup for a hole in one.



Moses turned to Jesus and said, I hate playing with your Dad.

If Anita Bryant married Moby Dick… her name would be?

Q. Why do women prefer old gynecologists?

A. They have shaky hands!

All targets met;

All systems working;

All customers satisfied;

All staff eager and enthusiastic;

All pigs fed and ready to fly.

The Scot told his wife, Be sure now to take off your new eye glasses if youre not looking at anything.

Top 20 Sayings Wed Like To See On Those Office Inspirational Posters:

1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos…then you probably havent completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

4. Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines.

5. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.

6. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.

7. Plagiarism saves time.

8. If at first you dont succeed, try management.

9. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

10. TEAMWORK…means never having to take all the blame yourself.

11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.

12. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

13. We waste time so you dont have to.

14. Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!

15. Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

16. A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.

17. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.

18. INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.

19. Succeed in spite of management.

20. Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.

Q: What do you get when you cross a sherpa and a mountain goat?
A: Nothing. you cant cross two scalars.

This man shows up at his doctors office to get patched up. He has obviously been severely beaten about the head and shoulders. His doctor tapes him up and asks him, What in the hell happened to you?

You wont believe this doc, it happened in church.

In church? How?

The minister told us all to stand and sing hymn 317. When we stood up, I noticed the woman standing in front of me had her dress pushed up her butt. So I reached forward and pulled it out. She beat the crap out of me with her umbrella.

Several weeks later, the man shows up at his doctor, all beaten up again. Again the doctor patches him up and asks him about what happened.

It happened in the same church.

Again?

Yes. The minister told us to all stand and sing hymn 317. When we stood up, the same woman was in front of me, with her dress up her butt. The woman standing next to her noticed that and pulled it out. I knew she didnt like that, so I reached forward and pushed it back in.

We had a couple over to dinner the other night and the woman was complaining about her male boss. Mrs JimJr, trying to console her, said simply, When it comes to women, all men become idiots, when theyre the boss.

I piped up and said, Hey, now wait just minute there, I was a boss.

Tilting her head in my direction, Mrs JimJr said to the lady, See???