Old and New Jokes

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You may have noticed the increased number of notices for you to notice. We notice that some of our notices have been noticed. On the other hand, some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It is noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticeable. This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to the Notices because we do not want the noticed to go unnoticed.

A gay guy walks into a bar and says bartender give me a brewskie.

The bartender says, We dont serve your kind here.

The gay continues, Ill just sit in the corner and drink my beer and wont say anything.

The bartender says, Well, all right! and pours a beer.

A while later a cowboy walks in and says Bartender give me a beer!  Im so thirsty I could lick the  sweat off a cows balls

A voice is heard from the corner. Moo!  Moo!  Buckaroo!

A old snake goes to see his Doctor.

Doc, I need something for my eyes…cant see well these days. The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor hes very depressed.

Doc says, Whats the problem…didnt the glasses help you?

The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered Ive been living with a water hose the past 2 years!

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says Your eyes sparkle like diamonds. I said Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck, not a-ROMANTIC duck.

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didnt do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.

Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. Boss, he said, The pill actually worked!

Thats all fine said the boss.

But where were you yesterday?

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, Are you a real cowboy?

Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences… I guess I am, replied the cowboy.

After a short while he asked her what she was.

Ive never been on a ranch so Im not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women, told the young woman.

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink.

A couple sat down next to him and asked, Are you a real cowboy?

Well, I always thought I was, but I just found out that Im a lesbian!

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray, the priest said. No, said the minister. I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven.Youre both wrong, the guru said. The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor.The repairman could contain himself no longer. Hey, fellas, he interrupted, The best prayin I ever did was when I was hangin upside down from a telephone pole.

21. Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.

22. Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disk drive. When it doesnt work, get the supervisor.

23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is.

24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.

25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.

Q: How many Princeton students does it take to screw in a lightblub?
A: Sigh. The Alumni pay people to do things like that for us.

Note: Princeton has a reputation for being wealthier than the other seven.

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girls grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?



Of course not, dear, replied the mother, Why would you think that?



The tombstone back there said…

Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.