Your momma is so fat . . .
First she fills the bathtub, THEN she turns on the water!
07
Jul
07
Jul
What do you call a Jewish American Princesss waterbed?
The Dead Sea
07
Jul
It seems Miss Lewinsky recorded some of her conversations with Clinton.
In a transcript just released Bill asked Miss Lewinsky Do you know the
difference between Lunch and Oral Sex?
Miss Lewinsky replied No, I dont.
Bill then said Great, lets do lunch!
07
Jul
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time really piss
me off. I know where my watch is buddy, where the hell is yours? Do
I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
07
Jul
If we werent meant to juggle, tennis balls wouldnt come three to a can.
07
Jul
Whats the difference between greeting royalty and greeting President Clinton?
You only go down on one knee to greet royalty!
07
Jul
Things Overheard in Santas Workshop
As presented on the 12/04/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN
- Whose tiny fingers are these in the table saw?
- The Keebler Elves? Yeah, making cookies … theres a tough gig
- Hey, Santa, its Anna Nicole Smith on the phone for you
- You know Rudolphs naturally red nose? Collagen injection
- Uh-oh — looks like fat boy drank his lunch again
- Shut down the assembly line for the Central Park West action figures
- Which gifts should we plant at O.J.s house?
- Whew! Mia Farrow sure has a lot of kids!
- Someday Im gonna make it outta here, just like Ross Perot did
- It may be jiggling like a bowl of jelly, but it aint his tummy
07
Jul
A Key to Scientific Research Literature
What is writtenTrue meaning
It has long been known that …I havent bothered to look up the reference.
While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to these questions …The experiment didnt work out, but I figured I could at least get a publication out of it.
The W-PO system was chosen for detailed study …The lab next door already had some prepared.
Three samples were chosen for detailed study …The results on the others didnt make sense and were ignored.
Accidentally strained during mounting …Dropped on the floor.
Handled with extreme care throughout the experiment …Not dropped on the floor.
Typical results are shown …The best results are shown, i.e. those that fit the dogma.
Agreement with predicted curve:Excellent = fair
Good = poor
Satisfactory = Doubtful
Fair = Imaginary
Correct within an order of magnitude …Wrong.
Of great theoretical and practical importance …Interesting to me.
It is suggested that …
it is believed that …
it appears that …I think.
It is generally believed that …A couple of other people think so too.
The most reliable results are those obtained by Jones …Jones was my graduate student.
Fascinating work …Work by a member of our group.
Of doubtful significance …Work done by someone else.
07
Jul
Ok there are two gay guys and two lesbians. They are on a race to LA.
Which of the two will get there first?
The Lesbians, because the gay guys are still getting their shit packed!
07
Jul
A: They cant find the 11 on the phone!