A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that shes low on gas, so she stops at a gas station.

While shes pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.

She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is doing.

Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying…

A little more to the left…a little more to the right

You complain about the ban on assault weapons because it make half your guns illegal.

You use a pig for a garbage disposal.

You cant go to church this year because your Sunday socks are being used as the trucks gas cap.

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey.

He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, Thatll be $5000. The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.



Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?



The shopkeeper answered, Ah, that monkey can program in C – very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.



The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. That ones even more expensive – $10,000! What does it do?



Oh, that ones a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff, said the shopkeeper.



The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?



The shopkeeper replied, Well, I havent actually seen it do anything, but it says its a consultant.

Will u remember me in a day?

Yes



Will u remember me in a week?



Yes



Will u remember me in a month?



Yes



Will u remember me in a year?



Yes



Knock Knock



Whos there?



U said you were going to remember me!

C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL

Yo mamas so poor she wears her McDonalds uniform to church

Yo mamas so poor, I walked into her house and swatted a fly, she yelled Hey whered grandma go?!?!?!

Yo mamas so poor when I went to her house and asked to use the bathroom, she said Two trees to your left

Yo mamas so poor when she heard about the last supper, she thought she ran out of food stamps.

Attention Bridge Buyers

The most respected name in bridge sale is about to present an offer that no self respecting bridge collector can ignore. The Bradley Bridge Exchange is proud to introduce the Commemorative Bridge Series. Even if you have never collected bridges before this unique investment opportunity should interest you.

The Bradley Bridge Exchange has been selling quality collectable bridges for fifty years. Now through this once in a lifetime Internet offer, you can purchase famous bridges.

Think about it, EVERYONE needs bridges: to go to work, walk across, jump from, get mugged under and to throw rocks from.

Not all bridges go up in value, the Bradley Bridge Exchange guarantees that your own personalized bridge will retain its minimum value for at least one full year.

The famous Golden Gate Bridge was originally offered through The Bradley Bridge Exchange for a mere 35 dollars. In the 57 times it has since been re-sold, its value has increased to an astounding 10 million dollars! No other LEGAL investment could give that kind of return so quickly.

Look at the fine craftsmanship of this early American George Washington Bridge:

Note the detail in the rust, the unique yO maMa mural which captures the American dream and the fine cracked metal work in these steel supports. You will not find any composites or reinforced concrete here.

Bridges are not owned by the city, state or country. Bridges are owned by the contractors that build them. They are then purchased by the Bradley Bridge Exchange.

Top investors say that bridges are a solid investment with underlying liquid assets.

In addition to the potential of increasing of the physical value, bridges can actually generate INCOME through the use of tolls.

Not only am I an owner of a bridge I am also a user!

Insurance is un-necessary. There has never been a theft of a major bridge in the history of The Bradley Bridge Exchange.

Bridges also make useful homes for transients which will make you appear in good standing in your community.

Act now while prices remain low. The Bradley Bridge Exchange WILL destroy all bridge molds for the above mentioned Washington Bridge with in a period of 30 Days. The first 100 bridges sold will receive 25 toll free suicide hot line signs at no additional cost. All mailers will receive The Bradley Bridge Exchanges guide to purchasing tunnels and national parks at no additional cost.

Please E-Mail us directly at BBE@cash.be.ours with your credit card number. System operators are standing by.

What does Ford stand for?

Found On Rednecks Driveway!

A priest, a Buddhist and a rabbi are discussing what each would like to be said at their funeral.

The priest said that he would like someone to say, There is a man who followed the path of Jesus.

The buddist said that he would like someone to say, There is a man who strived for enlightenment.

The rabbi said that he would like somone to say, LOOK! Hes moving!

Four men are golfing one day. The first man steps up to tee and states boastfully My son is so rich that he bought his lover a house.

The second man steps up to tee and says, Well, MY son is so rich that he bought his lover a new car.

The third man steps up and says, My son is so wealthy that he bought his lover a whole summer home in Miami.

Finally, the fourth man goes to tee and he says, Well, my son isnt rich and self-made like yours and hes gay, and from what I hear, despite my objections, he has 3 separate lovers and from them he just got a new house, a new car, and a summer home in Miami.