Two Sardarjis were in conversation on the beach :

Sardarji 1 :Praaji , Ise beach kyo kaheete hai ?

Sardarji 2 : Tumhe nahe pata ?

Sardarji 1 : Nahe pata.

Sardarji 2 : Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai .

When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with large breasts.

In high school, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.

In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.

I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

I found an exciting girl, but I couldnt keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.

After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.

Now all I want is a girl with large breasts!

Bridegroom: Dear, weve been back from the Caribbean for a month now. Weve been in our apartment now for nearly a month. Isnt it time we were alone?

Bride: But darling, we are alone, arent we? Bridegrom: What I mean is, when can we get your mother out of here? Bride: MY mother! I thought she was YOUR mother!!!

Yo Mama sooo skinny, she can dodge rain drops.

yo mama is so fat she went to KFC and asked for the bucket on the roof.

Ya mama is so fat she sells shade in the summer.

Yo Mama is so UGLY when she jumped in the bath, the water jumped out.

Yo mamas so fat when she went on a diet Bluebell went outta business.

Yo mama so fat that she needs a solar panel to see her reflection!!!

Yo mama is so stupid she wants to be a blonde.

Yo mama so stupid she puts cheese by her computer to feed the mouse.

Yo mama so ugly when she walks in the bank the alarm goes off!!!!!!

yo mama is so poor she went to Wendys and put a frosty on lay-away.

Yo mamas so bald, Mr. Clean got jealous.

yo mamas teeth are so yellow , i cant believe its not butter!

Yo momma so stupid she thought the TV guide was directions to get to the televison

Yo mama so stupid…. she thought taco bell was a Mexican phone company!!!!!

your moma is like the billsberry boughboy, everyone gets a poke…

Ya mamma so ugly they mash her face in dough and make monster cookies for halloween

Yo Mama so fat when she jumps into the pool, the other swimmers can go surfing

Yo Mama so stupid, she got locked in a mattress store and slept on the floor.

Yo Mama so fat when I watch t.v. and she walks in front of it, I miss 3 episodes of my show.

yo mama is so fat that when she stepped on the talking scale it told her to get off.

yo mama so fat they had to baptize her at seaworld.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she took you to the zoo the zoo keeper said Thanks for bringing her back

yo mama is so fat she had on a green and red dress everybody yelled out watermelon

yo mamas so stupid she got hit by a parked car

yo mama so ugly she makes blind kids cry.

when she steps on a scale it reads, TO BE COUNTINUED!

Yo mama so fat, she got more rolls than a bakery.

Yo Mama so ugly when she went to the beauty parlor it took 3 hours for an estimate.

He grabbed me around my slender neck

I could not call or scream.

He dragged me to my dingy room

where we could not be seen.

He tore away my flimsy wrap

and gazed upon my form.

I was so cold and damp and scared

while he was dry and warm.

He pressed his feverish lips to mine

I could not make him stop.

He drained me of my inner self

I gave him every drop.

Then he cast me from his side

so now you see me here.

An empty bottle thrown away

that once was full of beer.

Little Johnny is walking with his father in the park and they see two dogs locked in a sexual embrace. Little Johnny not understanding what the dogs are doing asks his father, Daddy, what are those two dogs doing? To which the father replies, They are making a puppy!

Later that night Johnny wakes up and walks down the hall to his parents bedroom and catches his mother and father making love. Johnny asks his father, Daddy what are you and mommy doing?

To which the father replies, Johnny we are making you a little sister.

Johnny thinks for a few moments and responds, Well, daddy could you roll her over? Id rather have a puppy!

MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.

EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.

PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.

COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
Go to Africa.
Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
During each traverse pass,
Catch each animal seen.
Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
Stop when a match is detected.

EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.

ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE PROGRAMMERS prefer to execute Algorithm A on their hands and knees.

HARDWARE ENGINEERS hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.

ECONOMISTS dont hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.

STATISTICIANS hunt the first animal they see N times and call it an elephant.

CONSULTANTS dont hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do.

OPERATIONS RESEARCH CONSULTANTS can also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if someone else will only identify the elephants.

POLITICIANS dont hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants you catch with the people who voted for them.

LAWYERS dont hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings.

SOFTWARE LAWYERS will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping.

VICE PRESIDENTS OF ENGINEERING, RESEARCH, AND DEVELOPMENT try hard to hunt elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it.When the vice president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all possible elephants are completely prehunted before the vice president sees them. If the vice president does happen to see a elephant, the staff will:
compliment the vice presidents keen eyesight and
enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.

SENIOR MANAGERS set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.

QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTORS ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.

SALES PEOPLE dont hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they havent caught, for delivery two days before the season opens.

SOFTWARE SALES PEOPLE ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant.

HARDWARE SALES PEOPLE catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as desktop elephants.

Background: A firm in Germany ordered macaroni from a firm in the United
States. While the macaroni was enroute, a couple of boxes
broke open and some rats nested in the macaroni. The German
firm sent the following letter concerning the condition of
the macaroni.

WILHELMSTRASSEE 135
HAMBURG, GERMANY
BRITISH ZONE

SCHENTLEMENS:

DER LAST TWO PACKESCHES VE GOT FROM YOU OF MACARONI WAS MITT RATTSCHIDT
GEMIXT. DER MACARONI MAY BE GUT ENUFF, BUT DER RATTCURDS SCHPOILS DER
TRADE. VE DID NOT SEE DER RATTCURDS IN DER SEMBLES VICH YOU SENT US
FOR EXAMINASHUM.

VE ORDER DER KLEEN MACARONI AND YOU SHIPT SCHIDT MIT DER MACARONI, IT VAS
A MISTAKE, YA? ID TAKES SO MUCH TIME TO PIK DER RATTCURDS FROM DER
MACARONI VE LIKE YOU TO SCHIP US DER MACARONI IN VUN SAK UND DER RATTSCHIDT
IN DER ODDER SAK, DEN VE MIX IT TO SUIT DER CUSTOMER.

PLEASE WRITE IF VE SHULDT SHIPP DER SCHIDT BAK UND KEEPEN DER MACARONI, OR
VE SHULDT KEEP DER SCHIDT UND SCHIPP DER MACARONI BAK OR SCHIPP DER WHOLE
SCHIDDEN VORKS BAK.

VE VANT TO DO RITE IN DIS MADDER, BUT VE DUNT LIK DISS RATTSCHIDT BUSINESS.

MIT MUCH REAPAKIS,

Whats the difference between government bonds and men?

Bonds mature.

Q: How can you tell someone is a true music lover?
A: When they even put their ear up to the bathroom keyhole.