People are scared to touch your wifes bathrobe.
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
You think a Volvo is part of a womans anatomy.
10
Jun
10
Jun
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? Because thats where your supposed to wash vegetables.
10
Jun
I, THE UNDERSIGNED, AGREE THAT…
1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after youve drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one. And itll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff like So THIS is screwing! and howling like a cat thats being repeatedly jabbed with a needle.
2. I fully understand that a womans main role in any relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football teams lose, I agree that – by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible to woman – it will be my fault. Even if I wasnt there.
3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I will tell them that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak.
4. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.
5. After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as making love), I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face.
6. I will never, ever give your penis a cute nickname.
7. In bed, I will be happy as can be to try any novel sexual position you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.
8. I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female friends and inform you if any of them have the slightest bisexual tendencies. Then Ill invite them around for dinner. And hide their car keys so they have to stay.
9. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that you have ruined me for other men.
10. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computers, and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so youre in charge of the lot. Except for the oven, iron and the washing machine, of course.
Signed:_____________________________
Date:________________
10
Jun
your daddy so bold when he weres a turtle neck he looks like a broken condom
10
Jun
En Argentina, va un tipo conduciendo su auto por la Panamericana. En eso, ve a alguien parado al costado de la ruta, doblado de dolor.
¡Alfredo, pero si es Alfredo! ¿Qué le habrá pasado?
Detiene el vehÃculo y baja.
¡Alfredo, hermano! ¿Qué pasó?
Mirá, dice Alfredo, señalando algo y continuando con su terrible gesto de dolor.
Y ahà yace, hecha una pelota de fierros retorcidos, una impresionante Ferrari.
¡Pero, Alfredito, querido, si con el dinero que vos tenés, te podés comprar como 10 de esas! ¡Vamos, hermano!
No, mirá adentro, dice Alfredo, mientras sigue doblado sobre si mismo.
Y al mirar adentro de la Ferrari, una rubia impresionante, hecha pelota.
Bueno, Alfredo, pero vos podés conseguir 10 Ferraris y 100 rubias como ésa, ¡vamos, arriba el ánimo!
No, mirá adentro… mirá adentro de la boca de la rubia.
10
Jun
What do you call Magic Johnson on rollerblades?
ROLLAIDS!
10
Jun
Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers. — W. Somerset Maugham
10
Jun
You might be a redneck if…
You mow your lawn and find a car.
10
Jun
A football player passes a burning building, and sees a young woman and her baby hanging out the window. The football player stops and yells to the woman, Throw down your baby and Ill catch it!
The woman responds, I cant throw my baby to you, I dont know you!
Its okay, shouts the football player, Im in the NFL, I can catch anything!
The woman yells out OK! and drops the baby from the top floor. Just as it reaches about 50 ft. from the ground, a gust of wind grabs the baby and sends it flying. The football player chases after it, desperately stretching, trying to catch the baby.
By this time quite a crowd has gathered. The baby is falling towards the ground. Can he make it? The football player dives, and makes the catch!
The crowd goes wild!!!
The football player gets up, yells All Right!!!, starts dancing … and spikes the ball!
10
Jun
You might be a redneck if Bambi made you hungry for rabbit!