Un borrachÃn llega a un hotel y pregunta por el baño.
Siga hasta el final del pasillo y gire hacia la izquierda.
El beodo siguió hasta el final del pasillo pero no giró hacia la izquierda, sino hacia la derecha, en dirección a la piscina, a donde cae sin saberlo y grita asustado:
¡Por favor no le den a la palancaaaaa!
El Chileno no se emborracha… SE CURA O SE COCE
El Chileno no tiene amigos… TIENE YUNTAS
El Chileno no se burla… AGARRA PAL HUEVEO
El Chileno no tiene depresión… SE ACHACA
El Chileno no conversa… PURO HUEVEA
El Chileno no hace el amor… CULEA, TIRA, SE MANDA UNA CACHA
El Chileno no es tonto … ES AGÃœEONAO,
El Chileno no es inteligente… ES ASCURRIO
El Chileno no molesta… ES LADILLA
El Chileno no baila… PERO TRATA
El Chileno no va a una fiesta… VA A UN CARRETE
El Chileno no se toma un trago… SE TOMA UN COPETE
El Chileno no toma aguardiente… TOMA PISCOLA
El Chileno no toma ron… TOMA VINO
El Chileno no se molesta… SE EMPUTECE
El Chileno no te golpea… TE HACE MIERDA
El Chileno no fracasa… LA CAGA
El Chileno no flojea… SACA LA VUELTA
El Chileno no sale corriendo… SALE APRETANDO CACHETE
El Chileno no sale apurado… SALE CAGANDO
El Chileno no es dificil… ES COMPLICAO
El Chileno no es molestoso… ES HINCHA-COCOS
El Chileno no es un tipo alegre… ES LA ZORRA
El Chileno no te reta… TE ECHA LA FOCA
El Chileno no te reprende… TE ECHA LA CHORIÃ
El Chileno no conquista… JOTEA
El Chileno no engaña a su pareja… LE PONE EL GORRO
El Chileno no sale con TU esposa (o)… es PATAS NEGRAS
El Chileno no es un tipo bueno… ES UN BACAN!
El Chileno no es creido… SE CREE LA RAJA
El Chileno no hace negocios raros… ES MAFIOCA
El Chileno no es burgués… ES CUICO
El Chileno no es del pueblo… ES FLAYTE
El Chileno no dice Aguas!, cuidado!… dice: GUARDA CULIAO!
El Chileno no dice La Policia!, LaLey!…dice: LOS PACOS COCHETUMARE!!!
El Chileno no es volado… ESH ASHI SHUPER LOCO
El Chileno no anda en coche o carro… ANDA EN AUTO
El Chileno no come bananas… COME PLÃTANOS
El Chileno no come aguacate… COME PALTA
El Chileno no come cacahuates… COME MANÃ
El Chileno no come hamburguesas… COME MIERDONALS
El Chileno no come bifechorizo… COME CHORIPAN
El Chileno no come fresas… COME FRUTILLAS
El Chileno no dice baterias… dice: PILAS
El Chileno dice Hola pero tambien dice: QUÉ ONDA? QUÉ CONTAY?
El Chileno no dice eso tan feo…dice: ESA HUEÃ DE MIERDA
Y uno deportivo… muchos Chilenos todavÃa dicen GOOOOL!!!!
pero la gran mayorÃa le ponen apellido y dicen: GOOOOOOOOLLLLL!!! CONCHETUMADRE!!!
Si quiere conocer el Caribe, vaya a Cuba o a República Dominicana;
si quiere conocer el PacÃfico, vaya a Perú o al Ecuador;
si quiere conocer el Atlántico, vaya a Argentina o al Brasil;
si quiere conocer las culturas precolombinas, vaya a México;
pero si quiere ver cómo es el mejor paÃs de sudamérica, con todo eso junto y mucho más, VAYA A CHILE!!!
Y VIVA CHILE MIERDA!
Q: Why dont blind people sky dive?
A: It scares there dogs to death.
The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the towns most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said, Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldnt you like to give back to the community in some way?
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, First, Did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?
Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, Um… No.
Or, the lawyer continued, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?
The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer added, Or that my sisters husband died in a traffic accident, the lawyers voice rising in indignation, Leaving her pennyless with three children?
The humiliated United Way representative, completely beaten, said simply, I had no idea…
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, So if I dont give any money to them, why should I give any to you?
TOP TEN THINGS MEN SHOULDNT SAY OUT LOUD AT VICTORIAS SECRET
10. Does this come in childrens sizes?
9. No thanks, just sniffing
8. Ill be in the dressing room going blind
7. Mom will love this
6. Oh size wont matter, shes inflatable.
5. No need to wrap it, Ill eat it here
4. Will you model this for me?
3. The Miracle what?!? This is better than world peace!!
2. $45 bucks?! Youre just gonna end up naked anyway!!!!
And the number one thing that a man should NEVER, EVER say out loud in Victorias Secret is:
1. Oh honey, youll never squeeze your fat ass into that!!!!!!
Take 12 toothpicks, pencils, or q-tips. Now subtract one, Now you should have 9 in front of you. Did you do it right?
Answer: Technically you have 11 toothpicks left over right? 12 – 1 = 11
But if you arrange them into letters, You will have 11 toothpcks that spell out the Word NINE !!
Two storks are sitting in their nest – a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying so the father stork is trying to calm him. Dont worry, son. Your mother will come back. Shes only bringing people babies and making them happy. The next night, its fathers turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, and the baby stork is crying again. The mother says, Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now hes bringing joy to new mommies and daddies. A few days later, the storks parents are desperate because their son has been absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where hes been all night. The baby stork says, Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!
A man carrying a small bag walks into a bar.
The bartender serves him a drink, but being a curious person he asks the man, what is the bag?
Its really quite amazing, the man says, as he opens the bag, and reveals a very small piano and a 10 tall miniature man.
The tiny human marches directly over to the piano and begins to play absolutely beautiful music.
After a few minutes of this demonstration, the bartender wants to know how the man came by this fabulous find.
The man produces a small brass lantern from his coat pocket and says: I was given this magic lantern by a wise old Gypsy and I merely rubbed the lamp and made a wish!
The bartender asks if the man would mind if he made a wish, and after some money changed hands the man consents to allow one wish to be made.
The bartender quickly rubs the lamp, closes his eyes and makes his wish. And in a flash an old Genie appears for a brief instant, makes a grand wave of his arms and the bar is immediately overrun with ducks!
I mean they are everywhere, and of course there is absolute pandemonium in the building. Feathers, duck shit, tremendous noise and people are rushing to get out of the building.
What the hell kind of Magic Genie is that, the bartender screams over the noise, I didnt wish for a million ducks!
Well as you may have noticed the man says the Genie is rather old, and he is a quite hard of hearing, and this can cause some misunderstanding.
You dont think I wished for a 10 pianist do you?
An old man and his daughter go to the doctor for his monthly checkup. During examination, the doctor asks how his nightly incontinence is. "Its fine," says the old man. "I just get up and go to the bathroom, and God turns on the light for me."The doctor finishes up the examination, and then calls in the daughter to tell her about the God-light thing."Oh, my God!" says the daughter. "Hes been using the fridge again!"
Bell Labs Proves Existence of Dark Suckers
For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However,
recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs dont
emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbs dark suckers.
The dark sucker theory, according to a Bell Labs spokesperson, proves the
existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of light, and that dark
is faster than light. The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs
suck dark. Take for example the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is
less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark
sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot
have a much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As with all things,
dark suckers dont last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer
suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is a
primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will notice that after
the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark which has been
sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle,
the tip will turn black because it got in the path of the dark flowing into the
candle. Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range.
There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these cant handle all of the
dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark
storage unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable
dark sucker can operate again.
Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass
generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker. Candles
present a special problem, as the dark must travel in the solid wick instead of
through glass. This generates a great amount of heat. Thus it can be very
dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is also heavier than light. If you
swim deeper and deeper, you notice it gets slowly darker and darker. When you
reach a depth of approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness. This is
because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light
floats to the top.
The immense power of dark can be utilized to mans advantage. We can collect the
dark that has settled to the bottom of lakes and push it through turbines, which
generate electricity and help push it to the ocean where it may be safely
stored. Prior to turbines, it was much more difficult to get dark from the
rivers and lakes to the ocean. The Indians recognized this problem, and tried to
solve it. When on a river in a canoe traveling in the same direction as the flow
of the dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to stop the flow of dark, but when
they traveled against the flow of dark, they paddled quickly so as to help push
the dark along its way.
Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in
an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then slowly open the
closed door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet, but since the dark
is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.
In conclusion, Bell Labs stated that dark suckers make all our lives much
easier. So the next time you look at an electric bulb remember that it is indeed
a dark sucker.