How many blondes does it take to milk a cow? Five — one to hold the udder, and four to lift and the cow up and down.

First, we want to apologize to our Polish friends, but remember

its just a joke!

Polandss Worst Air Disaster occurred today when a small two-seater

Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in

central Poland.

Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far

and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the

evening.

The folks at American Greetings have compiled a list of lines to use when signing you valentine … depending on your personality:

Bold – face it, you want me

Clever – IOUXOXO

Cosmic – Didnt we know each other in another time and place?

Dreamy – I never believed in love at first sight until you

Enchantress – A valentine spell has been cast on you!

Femme Fatale – You cannot escape. I have ways to make you mine.

Athletic – How about a little one-on-one?

Musical – Always a love song in my heart for you.

No-nonsense – What are you waiting for?

Old fashioned – My mother warned me about guys/girls like you.

Sarcastic – Hey! I signed the card. What else do you want?

Scientific – The chemistry between us is definitely affirmative.

Self-assured – Be my valentine. NO is not an option.

Silly – Youre hotter than a jalapeno sandwich!

Wild Child – You are twisted and slightly dangerous. I like that in a person.

Worldly – Je taime! (translation from French I love you)

Hope you find one to sign on your card to your significant other and dont forget Valentines Day the 14th!!!

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.


The first said, I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.


The second said, I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.


The third said, I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.


The fourth one said, I like to operate on lawyers. Theyre heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and their butt are interchangeable.

Joke found on http://www.poddys.com

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Olivier!
Olivier who?
Olivier but Ive lost my key!

Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets

IBM: Its Better than Macintosh!

A man walks into a bar. Pretty soon another man walked into the bar. the first man asked the second Oh you didnt see it either?

A big-game hunter went on safari with his new wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.

The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.

The wife cried, What are we going to do?

Nothing, said the hunter husband. The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.

A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that shed like a medium

pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces shed like to have it cut into:

six or twelve. Oh, goodness, six please, said the blonde. I dont think I

could ever eat twelve.