Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed
couple wanted to join a church. The Pastor said, We have special requirements
for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The Pastor went to the
elderly couple and asked, Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?
The old man replied, No problem at all, Pastor. Congratulations! Welcome to
the church! said the Pastor.
The Pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, Well, were you able to
abstain from sex for the two weeks? The man replied, The first week was not
too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but,
yes, we made it. Congratulations! Welcome to the church! said the Pastor.
The Pastor went to the newlywed couple and asked, Well, were you able to
abstain from sex for two weeks? No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex
for the two weeks, the young man replied sadly. What Happened? inquired the
Pastor. My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of
her right there. You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome
in our church, stated the Pastor. We know, said the young man, Were not
welcome at the SuperSaver anymore either.
Posted in Naughty |
What do blondes and cow shit have in common? The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Posted in Foul Language |
Two nuns are riding on a motorcycle.
The one in back says to the driver, Sister Mary Ellen, have you ever come this way before?
The one in front replies: No! It must be the cobblestones!
and then there was…
Two nuns where in the shower.
One says Wheres the soap?
The second says Yes it does doesnt it
Posted in Doctor |
Se encuentran tres pastores discutiendo acerca de cuánta inteligencia y cómo la aplicaban sus respectivos perros. El primero expone:
El perro que yo tengo es de lo más peculiar: al terminar el trabajo encierra a las ovejas y les da comida; además, me vigila la casa con paso marcial durante toda la noche.
El otro dice:
El perro que yo tengo sà que es de lo más original: al terminar el trabajo encierra a las ovejas y les da comida; vigila la casa durante toda la noche; además, lava la ropa y me blanquea la casa una vez al año.
El siguiente, con lágrimas en los ojos replica:
El perro que yo tenÃa… (snif)
¿Que pasó? ¿Se murió?
…Electrocutado
¿Fue por un rayo?
No. Arreglándome el televisor.
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from his Bar Mitzvah but was sorely lacking in his knowledge of the Jewish faith. To remedy this he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage. A year later the young man returned home.
Father, thank you for sending me to the land of our Fathers, the son said. It was wonderful and enlightening, however, I must confess that while in Israel I converted to Christianity.
Oi vey, replied the father, what have I done. So in the tradition of the patriarchs he went to his best friend and sought his advice and solace. It is amazing that you should come to me, stated his friend, I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian.
So in the tradition of the patriarchs they went to the Rabbi. It is amazing that you should come to me, stated the Rabbi, I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian. What is happening to our sons? Brothers, we must take this to the Lord, said the Rabbi.
They fell to their knees and began to wail and pour out their hearts to the Almighty. As they prayed the clouds above opened and a mighty voice stated, Amazing that you should come to Me. I, too, sent My Son to Israel…
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Youve ever called education a luxury.
Posted in Political |
At a friends wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.
The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, I was just trying to be a good ring bear.
Posted in Love and marriage |
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, Oh God, Im fucked.
There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out, No, you are not fucked. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you.
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living crap out of the chief. As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again, Okay. … NOW youre fucked.
Joke donated by The House of Fun
Posted in Foul Language |
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, Gentlemen, it wouldnt hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner.!
The room really got quiet.
Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
Yes? replied the teacher.
Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Did you hear about the blonde that tried to blow up her husbands car? She burned her lips on the tailpipe!
Posted in Blonde |