He laid her on the table
So white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast
And then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide… he looked inside
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms…
And then he stuffed the turkey.
02
Apr
02
Apr
Your so fat that when you walk outside in a red shirt everyone Shouts Kool Aid, Kool Aid
02
Apr
My girlfriend is weird.
Just the other day, she asked me, If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?
I thought about a moment and answered, No.
There was a pause, and then she said, Okay, forget it then.
02
Apr
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Aldo!
Aldo who?
Aldo anywhere with you!
02
Apr
One day in the future, Bill Clinton has a heart attack, dies prematurely —
and goes straight to Hell. The Devil greets him, but says I dont know
exactly what to do with you. Of course you are on my list, so you will have
to stay — but you got here a little earlier than I expected and I dont have
your room ready yet.
The Devil thinks for a moment and says, Tell you what I can do. There are a
couple folks here who werent quite as bad as you were. I can let one of them
go so long as you take their place. Ill even let you decide who gets to
leave.
Clinton thought that sounded pretty good, so the Devil opened the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and
surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.
No, Bill said. I dont think so. Im not a good swimmer and I dont think
I could be doing that all day long.
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Newt Gingrich with a
sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, over
and over again.
No, Ive got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if
all I could do was break rocks all day, said Bill.
The devil opened a third door. In it, ClintonÊsaw Jesse Jackson, lying on the
floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread
eagle position. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
His eyes widening in disbelief, Clinton grinned as he took in the whole
picture and said, Oh yea, I know can handle this.
The Devil nodded and smiled. OK, Monica, youre free to go!
02
Apr
Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds? >
02
Apr
What do you do after you unload three rounds of shotgun shells into a black man?
Stop laughing and reload.
02
Apr
yo mommas so fat that when she was born she made the Grand Canyon
02
Apr
What is the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield?
Its ass.
02
Apr
On the 12 days of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
12 sound cards silent
11 instructions faulty
10 modes not supported
9 apps a crashin
8 Megs overflowin
7 files missin
6 ints conflictin
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 98 for my PC