09
Mar

The Tator Family I found these humurous and easily clasify people.


Agi Tator: Whenever things get dull, Agi is always there to stir things up. She is often a nuisance, but many times keeps everyone on their toes by disturbing the comfortable status quo.

Cogi Tator: Cogi is a thinker. She is different from her brother Medi because Cogi thinks deeply about matters that will affect the way she acts. She weighs everything carefully before acting and attempts to make sure she has considered all the alternatives.

Common Tator: Common always has advice or criticism on any subject. Always talking and always very authoritative sounding, he often sounds like he knows what he is talking out, but usually doesnt.

Devis Tator: Devis is a revolutionary. He believes in confrontation, radical changes. It is his philosophy that the only way to change something is to destroy it and start all over. Devis is weak on alternatives or ideas for rebuilding and considers that someone elses job.

Dick Tator: Dick doesnt consult anyone. He makes all his decisions by himself and sees others only as a means to accomplish hiswill. Dick will usually gets high marks for getting things done, but low marks for working with others.

Emmy Tator: Emmy is a follower and can easily become a hero worshiper. Heavily influenced by those around her, Emmys future is determined by the kinds of people she patterns her life after.

Facili Tator: Facili is warm and personable. She is almost selfless. She works hard at enabling others to become better. She is a good listener and asks the kinds of questions that allow people to speak about things that matter to them. But Facili can sometimes be a nuisance because she sees every gathering as an opportunity to use her gifts and sometimes she just needs to let her abilities remain dormant.

Hesi Tator: It is very difficult for Hesi to make decisions. She always needs just a little bit more information before making a decision. If and when Hesi does make a decision, however, it has usually been thought through carefully.

Irri Tator: Irri is a twin of Agi with a mean streak in her. She likes to stir things up just for the sake of causing confusion and disarray. She is abrasive and even when she takes the correct position on a subject, still winds up alienating those around her.

Medi Tator: Medi thinks deeply and finds satisfaction in the act itself. His thinking never really leads to any constructive action, however. It is the act of pondering that matters to Medi and not the content.

Roe Tator: Roe is a systems man. He believes that everyone should have their turn regardless of qualification. He is task oriented and is only involved as long as the task is his responsibility. He believes in changes for changes sake and doesnt like to remain in one spot too long.

Speck Tator: He likes to watch everyone else rather than get involved in anything personally. He is always on the outside looking in. He is usually an expert at evaluating and helps those who are not participating by cheering them on. But because Speck has the advantage of watching from the stands, he can also make unrealistic assessments from a distance and be quite fickle with his support.

Vegi Tator: Some call Vegi lazy because she sits around doing nothing. She doesnt take any risks and tends to take whats given without giving anything in return. But at least Vegi is predictable and somewhat stable.

09
Mar

NIGHT SHIFT

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the

bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast

asleep. Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet

and proceeded to make love to her. Afterward, as he hurried down- stairs

for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and

his wife pouring coffee. Howd you get down her so fast? he asked.

We were just making love!

Oh my God, his wife gasped, Thats my mother up there! She came

over early and had complained of having a headache. I told her to lie down

for awhile.

Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. Mother, I cant believe

this happened. Why didnt you say something? The mother-in-law

huffed, I havent spoken to that jerk for fifteen years, and I wasnt about to start now!

09
Mar

Baby Turtle

A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to climb.

About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch. Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing.

Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds. Mummy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, Dont you think its time we told him he was adopted?

09
Mar

Felines

Why are felines the best ever animals? Because theyre purrrrrrrfect and grrrrrreat!

09
Mar

A famous Hollywood director dies and reaches Heaven

A famous Hollywood director dies and reaches Heaven. At the proverbial gate, St. Peter meets him and explains that God would like the director to make one more movie.

The director grimaces, But I retired years before I died. Im tired of all the hassles involved in making movies.

Listen, St. Peter explains, We got Ludwig von Beethoven to write a new score for the movie.

Youre not listening to me, the director protested. I dont want to make any more movies.

But we got Leonardo da Vinci to do the set design for you, St. Peter exclaimed.

I dont want to make any more movies! the director insisted.

Now look at this script, St Peter said. We got William Shakespeare to write it for you.

Well, said the director a score by Beethoven, set design by da Vinci, a script by William Shakespeare … How can I go wrong? Ill do it!

Great! exclaimed St. Peter. Theres only one small hitch… Gods got a girlfriend who sings…

09
Mar

Fannie Green

A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest, Father, it has been one month since my last confession. Ive had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month. The priest tells the sinner, You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Marys. Soon, another man enters the confessional. Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months. This time the priest asks, Who is this Fannie Green? A new woman in the neighbourhood, the sinner replies. Very well, says the priest. Go and say ten Hail Marys. The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the mens eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style. The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks, Is that Fannie Green?! The altar boy replies, No Father, I think its just the reflection off her shoes.

09
Mar

General Failure

Who is this General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?

09
Mar

How to Sell Everything

One summer, on a Friday afternoon, a young man was being trained by his supervisor on his first day as a salesperson at a large department store. His supervisor was trying to show him the amount of things he could sell to customers by making them feel they needed the items. Watch this, he said and approached a man who has just entered the store. May I help you, sir?



The man replied, I just moved into my first house and I need some fertiliser for my lawn.



So the supervisor said, Well, we have five- and ten-pound bags of fertiliser. I recommend you go with the ten pound bag.



Why is that?



The ten-pound bag will get you through most of the summer, but the five-pound bag wont, the supervisor answered.



Fine, the man agreed, Ill take the ten-pounder. Very good sir. And would you like the stiff rake or the spring-rake with that?



Rake? What do I need that for?



Well sir, said the supervisor authoritatively, if you dont rake up the old dead grass before you spread the fertiliser, it wont all reach the soil.



All right then. Ill get the stiff rake.



Very good sir. And would you like the fixed sprinkler or the oscillating sprinkler with that?



The man started to get a bit steamed and asked harshly, Sprinkler? Look, I just came in here for some fertiliser. What do I need a sprinkler for? Calmly, the supervisor responded, Well sir, if you water your lawn immediately after fertilising, the fertiliser will sink into the soil more quickly and in no time at all, youll have the greenest lawn in your neighbourhood.



This sounded pretty good to the man so he picked up the fixed sprinkler. OK, then. Ill take all this.



Very good sir. And would you like the electric or gas mower with that, asked the supervisor.



Now the customer had about had it and he all but blew up at the supervisor. LAWNMOWER? Look, all I wanted when I came here was a bag of fertiliser. Youve already managed to sell me a rake and a sprinkler besides. Give me one good reason why I should get a lawnmower, too!



Calm as ever, the supervisor said, Well sir, if you get a lawnmower now, then youll be all ready to start trimming your beautiful green grass the minute it starts getting too long. Your lawn will look like a golf course and youll be the envy of all your neighbours! Besides, they are on sale this week only, and youre going to need it either way.



Well, the man figured that sounded OK and he really wanted to get out of there before he bought anything else so at last he relented. Fine. Ill get the electric mower, but thats it!



Very good sir. Ill ring that up for you.



After the man had left the store with all his new purchases, the supervisor turned to the trainee and said, So, do you think you could do that? The trainee said that he thought he could and the supervisor directed him towards another customer.



The trainee approached the puzzled-looking man and asked, May I help you sir?



The man replied, Yes. I need some tampons for my wife. Well, the trainee is totally thrown off by this request. He cant imagine what he could offer the man to go along with that. However, he wanted to impress his boss so he thought hard. Suddenly, he had it! Very good sir. And would you like the electric or gas mower with that?



Mower? What the hell is wrong with you? I came in here looking for tampons. Why the hell should I get a lawnmower, too?



Well sir, the trainee answered, I figure your weekend is shot, so you might as well cut the grass.

09
Mar

Hymns

DENTISTS HYMN: Crown Him with Many Crowns
WEATHERMANS HYMN: There Shall be Showers of Blessing
CONTRACTORS HYMN: The Churchs One Foundation
TAILORS HYMN: Holy, Holy, Holy
GOLFERS HYMN: There is a Green Hill Far Away
POLITICIANS HYMN: Standing on the Promises
OPTOMETRISTS HYMN: Open Mine Eyes that I Might See
I.R.S. HYMN: All to Thee
GOSSIPS HYMN: Pass It On
ELECTRICIANS HYMN: Send the Light
SHOPPERS HYMN: Sweet By and By

09
Mar

A Charlotte, North Carolina man,

A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against … get this …fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in a series of small fires. The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued…and won! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be unacceptable fire, it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judges ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in the fires. After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested … on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms!