Old and New Jokes

De los 13 a los 18 años está como América Latina:

En pleno desarrollo.

De los 19 a los 25 años está como África:

Mitad virgen y mitad explorada.

De los 26 a los 35 años está como Asia:

Ardiente pero misteriosa.

De los 36 a los 45 años está como Europa:

Conservadora pero interesante.

De los 46 a los 55 años está como Estados Unidos:

Pura tecnología.

De los 56 a los 65 años está como China:

Puro cuento.

De los 66 a los 70 años está como Cuba:

Todos saben dónde está pero nadie quiere verla.

De los 71 años en adelante está como Venezuela:

Existe, pero está toda escoñetada.

It’s the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. Hes a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girls father answers and invites him in.



Carries not ready yet. Why dont you have a seat? Carries father asks Bobby what theyre planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.





Why dont you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it!





Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby so he asks Carries dad to please repeat himself.





Yeah, says Carries father, Carrie really likes to screw; shell screw all night if we let her!





A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and matching cardigan sweater and announces that shes ready to go. Breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.





About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: “Dad, its called the Twist!

There were three girls: a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. They were running from the cops, when they ran to a farm and hid, the cops closely on their trail.

The brunette hid with the ducks. The redhead hid with the cows. And the blonde hid with potatoes.

The cops looked in the ducks pen and the brunette said, Quack, quack, quack…

The cops then looked into the cows area and the redhead said, Moooooo…

Finally, the cops looked in the the potato patch and the blonde said, Potatoooooo…

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

90. Trash the room when your roommates not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say, Uh-oh, it looks like, they, were here again.

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, youll be happy. If you get a bad one, youll become a philosopher. — Socrates

This guy is sitting in his living room surfing the channels on the television. All of a sudden, the door of the apartment whips open and his girlfriend storms through. She screams, You jerk! and she heads into the bedroom. Stunned, the man flips off the television and walks toward the bedroom, wondering, Now what have I done? Inside the bedroom he finds the girl furiously packing a suitcase. He asks her whats up. She responds with a hiss, My therapist says that I should leave you and that youre a pedophile! The man responds, Wow, youre pretty smart for a 12 year old.

Q: Whats the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

A: The lawyer charges more.

An Orthodox Jewish couple are wondering what to get their son for his upcoming Barmitzvah. So when he gets home, they ask him:

So, David, what would you like for your Barmitzvah?

He replied, I would love a motorbike!

When David had left the room the Jewish couple talked about this amongst themselves. They had no idea what a motorbike was! So, they went down to their synagogue and told the Orthodox Rabbi that their son wanted a motorbike for his Barmitzvah but they didnt know what it was.

I have no idea! he said to the couples surprise. Youll have to ask the Reform Rabbi down the road.

So the couple walked down the road and asked the same question to the Reform Rabbi. But his reply was the same as the Orthodox Rabbi:

I dont know! Youll have to ask the ultra-mega Reform Rabbi further down the road.

So, the couple walked further down the road and found the ultra-mega Reform synagogue. They walked inside and said to the Rabbi there:

Our son wants a motorbike for his barmitzvah but we dont know what one is…can you help us?

And the ultra-mega Reform Rabbi replied, Woah, woah, woah, slow down a bit! First things first: whats a Barmitzvah?

There were three dogs at the vet talking to each other when one says,I chewed up all my masters shoes, and thats why Im here.

The next dog said,I peed on my masters $1,000 rug.

The next dog then comes in and says,My master is a female and she likes to clean house in the nude, so when she bent over to pick up something, I went for the ride of a life time!.

And thats why youre here? asked the other dogs. No, Im getting my nails clipped.

He lost his bat, man.