A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Jew, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and asks, Is this some kind of joke?
19
Mar
19
Mar
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. There might be some matches in the top drawer, she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry. Is this your husband? he inquired nervously.
No, silly, she replied, snuggling up to him. Your boyfriend then? he asked.
No, not at all, she said, nibbling away at his ear.
Well, who is he then? demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, Thats me before the operation.
19
Mar
Un señor va a donde un sacerdote para confesarse y le dice: Padre,deseo confesarme con usted. Me siento muy mal porque le tengo fobia a las mujeres,y cada vez que veo una,la agarro a golpes.
El sacerdote le dice: Bueno, hijo mÃo, lo importante es que estés arrepentido. Yo no te voy a hacer rezar padres nuestros, sólo debes hacer lo siguiente: apenas salgas a la calle, le das 50 dólares a la primera mujer que veas y de esa forma serás perdonado.
El señor sale a la calle y en una esquina ve a una mujer, se le acerca y le entrega 50 dólares. La mujer pone cara de sorprendida y le dice: Oiga señor, que se ha creÃdo, son 100 dólares.
¡Pero el sacerdote me dijo que le diera 50 dólares!
¡Es que debe usted saber que el sacerdote es cliente antiguo!
19
Mar
Un hombre entra a un bar y se dirige a un cliente:
Hola, buenas, ¿es suyo el perro que está atado ahà fuera?
Si, es mÃo, ¿por qué?
Pues porque mi gato lo ha matado.
¿Cómo? ¡Eso es imposible, si mi perro es un rottweiler gigantesco!
Ya… y mi gato es hidráulico.
19
Mar
There once were three men who were in an air balloon and the Japanese man said, Lets throw whatever you have in your pockets out of the balloon.
The other two men agreed and the Chinese man goes and throws a penny off of the balloon and sees a girl on the ground crying, so he says, Whats wrong little girl?
The girl says, A penny hit me in the head from the sky.
The Japenese man goes next, and he throws off a quarter and sees a little girl on the ground crying so he goes down and says, Little girl, why are you crying?
She says, A quarter hit me in my head from the sky.
The mexican goes last and he throws off a bomb and sees a little boy laughing really hard. Curious, he goes down to the little boy and asks, Little boy, why are you laughing?, and the lil boy says I farted and my house blew up.
THE END
19
Mar
Documentation is like sex: When its good, its fantastic, when its bad…
19
Mar
The only problem we have in this city is the secret police. If there is
any gambling, narcotics, or prostitution, its a secret to them.
19
Mar
Jill tells her husband, Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome.
Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why cant you do that?
Gosh, Jack says, why I hardly know the girl!
19
Mar
One day a man came home from work to find total chaos in the house. The kids were laying outside in the mud, still in their pajamas, and empty food boxes were on the kitchen counter.
When he opened the door, he found an even bigger mess: dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table and a pile of sand by the back door. The family room was strewn with toys, and a lamp had been knocked over.
He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife.
He was becoming worried that she might be ill or that something terrible had happened to her.
He found her in the bedroom still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a book. She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day had gone. He looked at her, bewildered, and asked, What happened here today?
She again smiled and answered, You know, every day, you come home from work and ask me what I did today.
Yes was his reply.
She answered, Well, today, I didnt do it!
19
Mar
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American ad campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux. The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means bite the wax tadpole or female horse stuffed with wax depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, ko-kou-ko-le, which can be loosely translated as happiness in the mouth. In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan Come alive with the Pepsi Generation came out as Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead. Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan finger-lickin good came out as eat your fingers off. The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, Salem – Feeling Free, got translated in the Japanese market into When smoking Salem, you feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty. When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that no va means it wont go. After the company figured out why it wasnt selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe. Ford had a similar problem in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for tiny male genitals. Ford pried all the nameplates off and substituted Corcel, which means horse. When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say It wont leak in your pocket and embarrass you. However, the company mistakenly thought the spanish word embarazar meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant. An American t-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the spanish market which promoted the Popes visit. Instead of the desired I Saw the Pope in Spanish,