Una señora que quiere suicidarse llama por teléfono a su médico para preguntarle dónde se encuentra el corazón. El galeno le explica que el corazón se ubica dos dedos debajo de la teta izquierda.
Una hora más tarde, la ambulancia recoge a la dama en su casa con un balazo en la rodilla.
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE
One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too.
Andrew, age 6
No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell … Thats why perfume and deodorant are so popular.
Mae, age 9
I think youre supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isnt supposed to be so painful.
Manuel, age 8
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.
John, age 9
If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I dont want to do it. It takes too long.
Glenn, age 7
ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE
If you want to be loved by somebody who isnt already in your family, it doesnt hurt to be beautiful.
Anita C., age 8
It isnt always just how you look. Look at me. Im handsome like anything and I havent got anybody to marry me yet.
Brian, age 7
Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.
Christine, age 9
REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE
Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too.
Greg, age 8
HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?
Mooshy … like puppy dogs … except puppy dogs dont wag their tails nearly as much.
Arnold, age 10
All of a sudden, the people get movie fever so they can sit together in the dark.
Sherm, age 8
CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS
They want to make sure their rings dont fall off because they paid good money for them.
Gavin, age 8
They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing.
John, age 9
CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE
Im in favor of love as long as it doesnt happen when Dinosaurs is on television.
Jill, age 6
Love is foolish … but I still might try it sometime.
Floyd, age 9
Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.
Dave, age 8
Im not rushing into being in love. Im finding fourth grade hard enough.
Regina, age 10
THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER
Sensitivity dont hurt.
Robbie, age 8
One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.
Ava, age 8
SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.
Del, age 6
Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs … and dont worry if their parents are right there.
Manuel, age 8
Dont do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention aint the same thing as love.
Alonzo, age 9
One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure its something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.
Bart, age 9
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?
Just see if the man picks up the check. Thats how you can tell if hes in love.
Bobby, age 9
Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold … Other people care more about the food.
Bart, age 9
Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up.
Sarah, age 9
See if the man has lipstick on his face.
Sandra, age 7
Its love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because its just like how their hearts are… on fire.
Christine, age 9
TITLES OF THE LOVE BALLADS YOU CAN SING TO YOUR BELOVED
How Do I Love Thee When Youre Always Picking Your Nose?
Arnold, age 10
You Are My Darling Even Though You Also Know My Sister.
Larry, age 8
I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!
Eddie, age 6
I Am in Love with You Most of the Time, but Dont Bother Me When Im with My Friends.
Bob, age 9
Hey, Baby, I Dont like Girls but Im Willing to Forget You Are One!
Will, age 7
WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY I LOVE YOU
The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.
Michelle, age 9
Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat.
Dick, age 7
HOW WAS KISSING INVENTED?
I know one reason that kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didnt always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses.
Gina, age 8
HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS
You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls.
Julia, age 7
You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you.
Brian, age 7
It might help to watch soap operas all day.
Carin, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When theyre rich.
Pam, age 7
Its never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you … Thats why I stopped doing it.
Tammy, age 10
If its your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if its a new person, you have to ask permission.
Roger, age 6
HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE
Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.
Dick, age 7
Dont forget your wifes name … That will mess up the love.
Erin, age 8
Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash.
Dave, age 8
Dont say you love somebody and then change your mind … Love isnt like picking what movie you want to watch.
Natalie, age 8
Sanity and insanity overlap a fine gray line.
Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and Ive just closed the register.
(Q.)Why do mexicans eat tamales for christmas?
(A.)So they have something to unwrap
HoW To KeEp A hEaLtHy LeVeL Of InSaNiTy AnD dRiVe OtHeR PeOpLe iNsAnE
Page yourself over the intercom. (Dont disguise your voice)
Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what youre doing. For example: If anyone needs me, Ill be in the bathroom.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Reply to everything someone says with, Thats what you think.
Dont use any punctuation in your emails
Ask people what sex they are. When they answer, say are you sure?
Stand in front of your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He asked the sales person How much are the washer and dryer?
Five dollars for both of them, the salesman said.
Yeah right, youve got to be kidding me! the man replied sarcastically.
No, thats the price, the salesman said, Do you want to buy them or not?
Yeah, Ill take them! the customer responded.
He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. How much? he asked.
Five dollars for the system, the salesman answered.
Is it stolen? the guy asks.
No, said the salesman, Its brand new, do you want it or not?
Sure, the customer replied. He looked around some more.
Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. How much?
Five dollars, was the familiar response.
Ill take that too! the man said.
As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asked him,
Why are your prices so cheap?
The salesman said, Well, the owner of the store is at my house right now with my wife.
What hes doing to her, Im doing to his business!
A man was found murdered in his home over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his tub. The tub had been filled with milk, and the deceased had a banana protruding from his buttocks.
Police suspect a cereal killer.
Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:
1.) 532.35 cm3 gluten
2.) 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3.) 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4.) 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5.) 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6.) 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7.) 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8.) Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9.) 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10.) 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous.
To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.
Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnstons first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
You think country and western are the two kinds of music.
You think cow tipping should be an Olympic sport.
You think paprika is a third-world country.
Dinner may or may not have tire tracks on it.
You own a homemade fur coat.
You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
People think youre having a yard sale….and youre not.
There is a wasp nest in your living room.
You own a waffle house credit card.
Youve ever made change in the offering plate.