Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. Two to do it, and one to renormalise the wave function.
08
Apr
08
Apr
Two guys, of limited intelligence, were on a ship that sank in the middle of the Ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped under the surface.
After floating under blazing heat, for 6 days, they ran out of food and water. On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object, floating toward them in the water.
As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an old oil lamp (the kind that genies come in). They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. Out popped a tired old genie who said, O.K., so you freed me from the stupid lamp, but hey, Ive been doing this 3-wishes stuff for a while now and quite frankly, Im burned out. You guys only get 1 wish and then Im outta here, so make it a good one.
The first guy, blurted out, without thinking, Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!
Fine, said the genie, and he instantly turned the entire Ocean to beer, and disappeared.
Great move, Einstein, said the second guy, slapping the first guy in the side of the head. Now were gonna have to pee in the boat!
08
Apr
This guy wants to be a proctologist, and he wants to be a really good proctologist, so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little. Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks its a little strange, so he pulls it and music starts playing!
. . . On the road again, just cant wait to get on the road again….
The guy really freaks out! He runs and gets the M.A. and drags the poor guy back to the table. Look! he says, and pulls the cork out again, . . . On the road again . . .
The M.A. is totally unimpressed…So what? he says.
Isnt that the most amazing thing youve ever seen?, the guy asked. Are you kidding? says the M.A. Any asshole can sing country music!
08
Apr
Un borracho está tratando de abrir la puerta de su casa, cuando llega un policÃa quien le pregunta con voz enérgica:
¿Qué está Ud. haciendo?
El hombre voltea sobresaltado y balbucea:
AquÃ, poli, tratando de abrir mi casa, hip.
Se acerca el agente con una lámpara e inquiere:
¿Con un supositorio?
Entonces, ¿qué le hice a la llave?, se espanta el borrachÃn.
08
Apr
Q: What are Mike Tysons favorite words?
A: Lets take a bite out of Crime!!
08
Apr
32. If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis
08
Apr
A device that permits
us to lose several keys at one time.
08
Apr
One day, Jesus and the Devil were both working on their
computers. Jesus was typing away. The Devil was typing
away. Suddenly a huge blackout filled heaven and hell.
When the lights came back on, Jesus picked up right where
he left off, but the Devils screen was black. Satan says,
How could this happen? I did everything Jesus did!
Then one person in Hell says, No, Jesus Saves.
08
Apr
You might be a redneck if…
You own a homemade fur coat.
08
Apr
A guy walks into a bar with his dog. They both go up to the barstool and sit down. The owner orders two beers.
The bartendar just frowns and says, Look buddy, we cant have any dogs sitting up at the bar.
The owner retorts, But this is no ordinary dog. The bartendar doesnt budge from his stance and tells the guy to leave.
The owner protests, Look, this is no ordinary dog. This is a talking dog.
The bartendar says, Yeah right buddy. Okay, why dont you and your talking dog leave the bar?
The owner says, Okay, Ill tell you what. Ill go into the bathroom and take a leak. You can talk to my dog while I go. If you still want us to leave when I get back, we will.
So the owner leaves. And the dog and the bartendar start talking it up like they are long lost friends. The bartendar starts to really like this dog. There talking about sports and beer and women.
So the bartendar comes up with an idea. He turns to the dog and says, Look, I have a friend who owns the bar across the street. If I give you $20 will you go into the bar and order a beer from him? The dog says, No problem, and gets up and leaves.
The owner comes back and ask where his dog is. The bartenday explains about the joke. So the owner leaves to get his dog.
Right out of the bar, the owner sees his dog humping another lady dog. And the owner says, Hey, get off of her. Why have I never seen you doing this before? To which the dog replies, Because I have never had $20 before.