Old and New Jokes

Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?

A: You dont know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

11. Thou shalt not post anonymously when offering criticism.

A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-theLooms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out the door. He was seen hopping and jumping around, said police spokesman Mike Carey, with an explosion taking place inside his pants. Police have the mans charred trousers in custody.

Q: How many members of Marillion does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Well, I thought it was going to be something to do with Fish (as in the ubiquitous surrealists joke,) but in fact the answer was only 2, but first they had to figure out how Genesis would have done it. Apparently this would be hilarious to fans of these groups, who believe Marillion to be Genesis copycats.

A man goes into the doctors office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says I have some bad news. You have HAGS. What is HAGS the man asks.

Its herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis says the doctor.

Oh my God says the man. What are you going to do?

We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.

Is that going to help me says the man.

No says the doctor. But its the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door

The Pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a question.

Mr Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?

No, Dopey, responds the Pontiff, there are not.

Mr Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy? Dopey questions.

No, Dopey, the Pope chuckles, there are no dwarf nuns in Italy.

Mr Pope, Dopey asks pleadingly, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?

No, Dopey, the Pope says sadly, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.

And softly in the background, the six remaining dwarfs start chanting, Dopey f***ed a penguin, Dopey f***ed a penguin.

Once there were three babys still inside the uterus of their mother.

They were all talking and wondering what each other was going to be when they grew up.



The first baby said, I want to be a fireman so I can put fires out.



The next said, I want to be a carpenter so I can fix this place up.



The last one said, I want to be a hunter so I can kill that bald headed bastard that keeps popping in and out of here!.

Q: How many Gardner-Webb University students does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Two – one to throw the old one in the cow pasture and the other to drive to Shelby to get a new bulb.

An appliance that you screw on the bed to keep the house clean.