Un marica llega llorando muy angustiado a contarle a su novio que le acaban de diagnosticar SIDA. El compañero lo consuela y le dice:
No llores, amorcito, mira, ponte por las noches una mascarilla de barro.
El homosexual, emocionado, le pregunta:
¿Y con eso me voy a curar, cuchi cuchi?
No, pendejo, pero te vas a ir acostumbrando a la tierrita.
A little girl asks her Mom, May I take the dog for a walk around the block?
Mom says, No honey, the dog is in heat.
Whats that mean? asked the child.
Go ask your Father. I think hes in the garage.
The little girl goes to the garage and says, Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you.
Her Dad said, Bring Susie over here.
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dogs rear end with it and said, Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block.
The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Her Dad asks, Wheres Susie?
The girl replies, Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and theres another dog pushing her home!
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc. . ).
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out Forget this! and walk out triumphantly.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i. e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyones done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)
26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!
28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling Im here, the phantom of the opera until they drag you away.
30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
How many Jewish American Princesss does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call Daaaaddy.
People usually deserve each other
This skeleton goes into a bar, and asks for a beer and a mop…
(This happened about 15 years ago to my father-in-law, who worked at
the time for the anti-trust division of the justice department.)
The justice department was trying a case against a company in New
York, who had engaged the senior partner of the biggest law firm
there, Alan Dean, to defend them. My father-in-law represented
the Justice department.
There was a LOT of evidence and each side had their own idea about
how to refer to the exhibits. My father in law went by the school
of 1A, 1B, 1C, 2A, 2B etc, while Alan Dean went by A, AA, B, BB, BBB, C.
At one point, well into the trial, a piece of evidence for the
defense was labeled PPPP. The judge was about half asleep
but this reference caught his attention.
Judge: Mr. Dean, what number was that exhibit?
Alan Dean: Pee pee pee pee your honour.
(the courtroom and judge giggles, every time pee pee pee pee is
mentioned)
Judge: (smirk) Mr. Dean, please abbreviate your exhibit names
from, for example, pee pee pee pee to 4Ps.
AD: Yes your honour. Id like to display the next piece of evidence.
Judge: What number would that be, Mr. Dean?
AD: 4Q, your honour.
Said the Buddhist to the hot dog vendor: "Make me one with everything."
A business owner decides to take a tour around his business and see how things are going. He goes down to the shipping docks and sees a young man leaning against the wall doing nothing.
The owner walks up to the young man and says, Son, how much do you make a day?
The guy replies, 150 dollars.
The owner pulls out his wallet, gives him $150, and tells him to get out and never come back.
A few minutes later the shipping clerk says to the boss, Have you seen that UPS driver? I left him standing around here?
Seen on a bloodied, ripped T-shirt: I LOVE MY PIT BULL.