Old and New Jokes

Un par de maricones están tomando el sol en la playa, cuando a lo lejos ven a un tipo como de 1.95 de estatura, abdomen marcado, músculos tipo Arnold, ojos color miel y blanca sonrisa que pasea por la orilla de la playa. Los jotos se emocionan y uno de ellos exclama:

¡Ay! ¿Ya viste a ese cuero, manita? ¡Me lo voy a ligar, está como quiere el condenado!

¡Ay, sí tú! ¿Y cómo le vas hacer?

Tú observa y aprende, fanfarronea mientras se va corriendo.

Se acerca donde está el tipo, finge no darse cuenta y choca con él, pero sale rebotado por la fuerza del grandullón y chilla:

¡Ay, ay, choqué con una muralla!

Con voz aflautada y haciendo un mohín, el forzudo le responde:

¡Atch! ¡No soy muralla, soy Mireya!

Se encontraba un tontilandés en una reunión muy refinada.

Estaban sentados comiendo cuando a una joven se le escapa un pequeño peo, pero perceptible por la demás comunidad.

En eso se levanta un caballero y muy cortésmente dice:

Disculpen, algo me debe haber caído mal.

Mientras el tontilandés pensaba: Qué noble su acto, si vuelve a pasar yo también lo imitaré.

Justo en ese momento una vieja guatona se tira un tremendo peo que se escuchó en todo el establecimiento, se levanta el tontilandés y dice:

El peo de la vieja corre por mi cuenta.

Whats the deal with ejection seats on helicopters?

Q: Why do Polish dogs have flat noses?

A: From chasing parked cars.

(From: Greg Ryding)

Time: Early Sixties. Place: Yourtown, USA

A young unmarried couple decides after a few dates that
they are going to sleep together. So, the guy, Tom, goes to
the local pharmacy to buy some condoms.

Tom goes up to the pharmacy counter and asks the
pharmacist for some Trojans, (just like the kid in Summer of
42). The pharmacist looks at Tom disgustedly and says,
Whats wrong with you kids today, ya go on two dates and you
wanna go to bed with each other. Why cant ya save sex for
when ya get married. You should wait until youre married!
Sex before marriage is a sin ya know.

Well Tom calmed down the pharmacist and explained that
his generation was a little different. He said that he and
his girlfriend were just trying to act responsibly and take
precautions against pregnancy and disease. The pharmacist
conceded that times were changing and finally sold him the
condoms.

That same night Tom was invited over to his girlfriend
Kateys house for dinner with the family. When they all sat
down, Tom asked Kateys father if he could say grace. Her
father said yes and Tom proceeded to say a beautiful eleven
minute grace thanking everyone from the Pilgrims to the
President for the meal they were about to eat.

After dinner Katey took Tom aside and smiling, said,
Tom, you never told me you were so religious! Tom smiled
back and said, Well, Katey, you never told me your father was
a pharmacist.

My wife thinks Im too nosy. At least thats what she keeps writing in her diary!

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners? So men can remember them. or So men can understand them.

You might be a redneck if…
Youve ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

If a schizophrenic threatens to commit suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at
the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, Just
think, honey, weve been married for 50 years.

Yeah, she replied, Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this
breakfast table together.

I know, the old man said, We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds
fifty years ago.

Well, Granny snickered, What do you say… should we get naked? Where upon
the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

You know, honey, the little old lady breathlessly replied, My nipples are as
hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.

I wouldnt be surprised, replied Gramps. Ones in your coffee and the other
is in your oatmeal!