Pedro está de noche en el cementerio. De pronto se le aparece un vampiro, y le dice: Te agachas o te mueres
Pedro se agacha, y al estar en posición, el vampiro se lo empieza a fornicar.
En eso se inicia un diálogo.
Cómo te llamas? pregunta el vampiro.
Pedro.
¿Eres casado?
SÃ, tengo tres hijos.
¿Trabajas?
SÃ, de noche.
¿Cuantos años tienes?
45.
¡Ay, Pedro, estás muy viejo para creer en vampiros!
Una muchacha se prepara para la boda y su mamá le está dando las instrucciones:
Mi hija, si tu marido te propone hacer el sexo de OTRA MANERA, ¡no lo aceptes!
Está bien, mami.
Pero pasan unas semanas después de la boda y el esposo no le dice nada. Entonces la muchacha, por curiosidad, le sugiere:
Vamos a hacerlo de OTRA MANERA.
¿Tú estás loca? ¿Quieres quedarte preñada?
Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldnt drive.
No further testing is planned.
Yo mama so fat, when she spins around, the seasons change.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, Boy, I wish I could do that.
The Bartender replies, Youd better try petting him first.
Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odor.
Do you wash? the doctor asked the smelly young girl.
Oh, yes, Mary answered. Each morning, I start at my head and wash down as far as possible. Then I start at my feet and I wash up as far as possible.
Well, the doctor concluded, Go home and wash possible!!!
A man hears a knock at his door, opens it but doesnt see anyone.
He glances down, sees a snail there and being the conscientious gardener he is, tosses the snail across the road, into a field, away from his property.
Ten years go by, and one day the man hears a knock at the door, but once again, doesnt find anyone there when he answers.
He looks down, sees a snail there.
The snail looks up at him, and in a tiny voice demands, –
WHAT WAS THAT FOR?
A few years ago, we invited some friends over for a Christmas party. Many of my colleagues were there, and many of them are German. Helmut, Franz, and Rudolf were there.
I was talking to Rudolf about his belief in the superiority of the communist party. I grew tired of the discussion so I motioned towards the window and commented on the weather, I believe its snowing. No, it looks too wet to be snow, he said. The argument went back and forth for a few minutes: rain, snow, rain, snow…
Then my wife came over and settled the argument for us. She said: Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!
A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name.
Well, said the would-be cattleman, I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son like the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So were calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y.
But where are all your cattle? the friends asked.
None survived the branding.