Old and New Jokes

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Peru!
Peru who?
Peru your point!

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.

How does a Russian commit suicide?

He smells his armpit

How does an American commit suicide?

He tells this joke to a Russian.

Thirty minutes of begging.

A woman on an African safari strays from the group and is grabbed by a baboon and raped. Rescued, she is rushed back to the States, where it takes her nearly a month to come out of the shock.

A friend visits. Dont you think it would help to talk about it?, she asks.

Whats to say? the woman sighs sadly. Its been four weeks – he doesnt call, he doesnt write …

Two men were out hunting in the woods. One of them was a fanatical huntsman and he went hunting as often as he could.

The other was his friend who is a peaceful nature loving fellow, who didnt really want to hurt anything.

They had been out in the woods for some time, when they picked up the tracks of a deer. They soon caught up with it, and when they saw it, it was obvious why it had been so easy to catch up to – it had a terrible infection over its left eye, which it couldnt even see out of.

The hunter started to take aim with his shotgun, but his friend begged him to stop.

Hey! he said, Cant you see thats a bad eye deer?

A happily married man, Irving Topper, found himself driving through a badly paved country road in upstate Rhinebeck, New York. A sudden flat tire sent the car wobbling to a standstill.

The lights in a nearby health manor invited Topper to rap on the door. An attractive lady opened the door and asked what she could do for him. He told her his problem and wondered if he could seek the shelter of her house until dawn, whe he would repair the flat. The lady agreed and invited him into her parlor.

One word led to another; one drink let to another; one touch led to another. Irving Topper was soon divested of his clothes and snuggling in the ladys bed with an equally naked lady.

In the morning Topper thanked her for her hospitality, told her his name was Herman Thompson, changed his tire, and drove off.

About six months later, Topper received a call from his friend Herman Thompson.

Hey, said Thompson, did you ever give my name to a lady in Rhinebeck, New York?

Well, yes answered Topper. You know I am a married man, and I have a lovely wife and child. I gave her your name because youre a bachelor, and I didnt want any complications. I hope I didnt get you into any trouble.

No, no, on the contrary, replied his friend. Her lawyer called me to inform me that I had inherited the manor and the ladys entire estate!

Slash.slash.backslash.escape

a blonde and a brunette were watching the 5 oclock news about a man who was going to jump off a building. the brunette says to the blonde, i bet £50 the man will jump. the blonde accepts the bet. after 10 minutes the man finally jumps. the brunette smiles and the blonde gets out her wallet. the brunette saysi cant take your money, i already saw the news earlier. the blonde says thats alright. i also saw it earlier but i didnt think hed jump again.

yo mamma is so fat she eats her coco pops in a satalite