IF THEY HAD NOT FOUND SADDAM HUSSAIN THEY
WERE PLANNING ON SPRAYING IRAQ WITH VIAGRA.
THEY WERE SURE THIS WOULD MAKE THE PRICK STAND UP.
17
Dec
17
Dec
HERS:
Pulls off at wrong exit.
opens window
asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer
Arrives at destination presently.
HIS:
Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive its the correct one.
Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks hes right.
Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.
Finally rolls down window just to get fresh air
Pulls up to a 7 -11
Gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky
Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway.
Gets back into car.
Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11.
Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7-11 said it was.
Almost hits a deer
Curses the night
Curses you
Curses the large slurpee
Drives and fiddles with radio.
Yells at you for suggesting the map again
Admits he didnt want to go to Thanksgiving at your sisters anyway.
He hates your sister.
Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel
He had to look up pernicious.
Couldnt find a dictionary.
Finally found a dictionary
Couldnt spell pernicious.
Seethes at the memory of it all
But she is laughing inside…
And of course youre still lost.
17
Dec
Knock Knock
Whos there?
House!
House who?
House you doing!
17
Dec
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Wes!
Wes who?
Wes Side Story!
17
Dec
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
56. If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.
17
Dec
My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
17
Dec
Q: What is the blondes highest ambition in life?
A: They want to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
17
Dec
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
What do a lawyer and sperm have in common?
They both have a one in a million chance of being human.
17
Dec
Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging a few beers when they see a road block ahead with police checking for drunk drivers. The blonde in the passenger seat starts to panic and the driver tells her to calm down and do what she does. She then proceeds to quickly chug the last of the beer in her hand, peel the label off, stick the bottle under the seat and stick the label to her forehead. The second blonde follows along. When they arrive at the road block, the officer looks in and is quite surprised by this spectacle and says, Hello ladies. By any chance have you two been drinking tonight? Why no officer, you see, we are on the patch!
17
Dec
Why do they manufacture perfumed bathroom tissue when our noses are on our faces?