Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesnt fart when you pull your meat out of it.
18
Jul
18
Jul
A young boy asks his Priest if God is a man or a woman.
The Priest decides to tease the boy and answers that God is both.
The boy then asks if God is black or white. Again the answer is both.
Next question, is God gay or straight. Once more the answer is both.
The boy then asks Father, is Michael Jackson God??
18
Jul
A guy took his girlfriend to her first Steelers game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.
I liked it, but I couldnt understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents, she said.
What do you mean? he asked.
Well, everyone kept yelling Get the quarter back!
18
Jul
One day the Mexican maid announced to her bosss wife that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, I am in the family way.
The wife was both surprised and shocked, and asked who it was.
The maid replied, Your husband and your son.
This time, the wife was horrified and demanded an explanation.
Well, the maid explained, I go to the library to clean it and you husband say, You are in the way. I go to the living room to clean and you son say You are in my way. So Im in the family way and I quit.
17
Jul
How can there be self-help groups?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he cant find himself?
17
Jul
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
17
Jul
Una mujer mayor estando internada en un hospital tiene una experiencia extra corporal y se encuentra con Dios al que le pregunta:
¿Señor, he muerto acaso?
No, hija, vuelve a la tierra que te quedan treinta años más de vida.
La mujer despierta y piensa que aprovechando que ya estaba en un hospital, tenÃa dinero y muchos años por delante decide hacerse todo tipo de cirugÃas estéticas: lipoescultura, tratamiento de varices, se quita las manchas y las estrÃas con láser, se estira la cara, se opera senos, piernas, glúteos y todo lo demás hasta verse con al menos veinte años menos. Al salir del hospital, luciendo más joven, la atropella una ambulancia y ahora si que se muere. Cuando se vuelve a encontrar con Dios le reclama:
¿Qué pasó? ¿No dijiste que vivirÃa treinta años más?
¡SÃ, pero, te juro que no te reconocÃ!
17
Jul
The following are new Error Messages are planned for Windows 2000:
1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4) Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6) Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
9) Windows message: You have just made a type mismatch! Shall I format your brain?
10) This is a message from God: Rebooting the universe, please log off.
11) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
12) BREAKFAST.SYS halted… Cereal port not responding.
13) COFFEE.SYS missing… Insert cup and press any key.
14) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted… Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
15) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16) Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
17) Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
1 Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
19) WinErr 547: LPT1 not found… Use backup… PENCIL & PAPER.
20) User Error: Replace user.
21) Windows VirusScan 1.0 – OS/2 found: Remove it? (Y/Y)
22) Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic.
17
Jul
Q: What do a tampon and an Old Southern Debutant have in common?
A: Theyre both stuck up cunts!!
17
Jul
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.He goes up to the guys window and says, Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.The man says, Sorry officer I cant do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that Ill have a really bad asthma attack.Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample. I cant do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, Ill bleed to death.Well, then we need a urine sample.Im sorry officer I cant do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that Ill get really low blood sugar.Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.I cant do that, officer.Why not?Because Im too drunk to do that!