Old and New Jokes

You wake up on a beach and suddenly notice the sand is all red.So is the sea.So are the rocks.So are the gulls, the sky and *gasp* your skin is red too!And all of a sudden you realise what is going on.Youve been marooned.

Drug dealers Software developers
Refer to their clients as users. Refer to their
clients as users.
The first ones free!Download a free trial
version!
Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the
stuff). Have important South-East Asian connections (to help
debug the code).
Strange jargon: Stick, Rock, Dime bag, E.
Strange jargon: SCSI, RTFM, Java, ISDN.
Realize that theres tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old
market. Realize that theres tons of cash in the 14- to
25-year-old market.
Job is assisted by the industrys producing newer, more potent
mixes. Job is assisted by industrys producing newer, faster
machines.
Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlers.
Often seen in the company of marketing people and venture
capitalists.
Their product causes unhealthy addictions. DOOM. Quake.
SimCity. Duke Nukem 3D. Nuff said.
Do your job well, and you can sleep with sexy movie stars who
depend on you. Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?

A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

A Texan is visiting Israel, and feeling thirsty, he stops at a house along the road. Can you give me a drink of water? asks the Texan.

Of course, says the Israeli, and invites the Texan to come in.

What do you do? says the Texan.I raise a few chickens, says the Israeli.

Really? says the Texan. Im also a farmer. How much land do you have?

Well, says the Israeli, out front its fifty meters, as you can see, and in the back we have close to a hundred meters of property. And what about your place?

Well, says the Texan, on my ranch, I have breakfast and get into the car, and I drive and drive…and I dont reach the end of the ranch until dinnertime.

Really, replies the Israeli. I used to have a car like that.

You know who built the other hemi.

Your car stereo costs more than your car.

Your old car is now considered the main storage unit.

Truckers tell your wife to watch her language.

Your wife uses a photo of Tammy Faye as a makeup application guide.

Your wife has more children than teeth.

Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.

When you walk your dog you both use the same tree.

Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.

Your dog sleeps closer to you than your wife does.

You go to the family reunion to pickup women.

Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
A: Reagan ate all the jellybeans.

A couple was touring a shipyard area in a coastal city of Italy when they saw a strange looking craft. They stopped and asked a worker, Sir, is that a U-boat?

No, he replied, shesa belonga to da goverment.

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldnt figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy took off running.

The first boy couldnt understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away.



The boy said to his friend, My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran.

Drews Law of Highway Biology: The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

Youre so ugly, your mom has to tie a steak around your neck just to get the dog to play with you.