Becky estaba en su lecho de muerte. Su esposo, Jake, mantenÃa constante vigilia a su lado. Él sostenÃa su frágil mano, y mientras las lágrimas rodaban por sus mejillas, él oraba por su esposa.
Ella lo miró y sus pálidos labios comenzaron a moverse quedamente:
Mi amado Jake susurró.
Calla mi amada dijo él Descansa. Shhh. No hables.
Ella, insistentemente, dijo con cansada voz:
Tengo algo que confesarte.
No hay nada que confesar dijo sollozante Jake Todo está bien,duerme…
No, no, yo debo morir en paz, Jake. Yo me acosté con tu hermano, tu mejor amigo y tu padre.
Ya lo sé replicó Jake …¡por eso te envenené !
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Three ducks arrive at the Police station. In deciding why theyre here, a police officer goes up to the first duck and says Whats your name?? The duck replies Quack. The police officer then asks And why are you here ?? The duck says For blowing bubbles in the pond. Blowing bubbles in the pond!! Thats illegal!! Thats a $50.00 fine!! The duck agrees to pay the fine.
The police officer goes up to the second duck and says Whats your name?? The duck replies Quack Quack. The police officer then asks And why are you here?? The duck says For blowing bubbles in the pond. Blowing bubbles in the pond!! Thats illegal!! Thats a $50.00 fine!! The duck agrees to pay the fine.
The police officer goes up to the third duck and says And your name must be Quack Quack Quack. And the duck replies No, its Bubbles.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning
against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile
on its face.
The egg, looking decidedly unhappy, grabs the sheet and rolls over
and says, Well, I guess we finally know the answer to THAT
question!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Zenophobia: the irrational fear of convergent sequences.
Posted in Math |
For every 10 there are 10 1s.
Posted in Business |
A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and order, Gimme 3 flat tires and a couple of headlights.
Bewildered he goes to the kitchen and tells the cook, I think this guys in the wrong store, look at what he ordered!
The cook says, He wants 3 pancakes & 2 eggs sunny-side up.
The waiter takes a bowl of beans to the trucker.
He looks at it and growls, Whats this? I didnt order this!
The young man tells him, The cook says that while youre waiting for your parts you might as well gas up!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldnt let him in until he proved his identity. Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise. And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, How do I know youre Picasso? Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St. Peter was convinced and let him in. When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates. How can you prove to me youre George W. Bush? Saint Peter said. Bush replied, Well heck, I dont know. St. Peter says, Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove youre George W. Bush? Bush replies, Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso? St. Peter says, It must be you, George, cmon on in.
Posted in Political |
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students.The teacher asked, Harry what is your problem? Harry answered, Im too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and Im smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principals office.While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.Principal: What is 3 x 3?Harry: 9.Principal: What is 6 x 6?Harry: 36.And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, I think Harry can go to the third-grade.Ms Brooks says to the principal, Let me ask him some questions? The principal and Harry both agree.Ms Brooks asks, What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?Harry, after a moment Legs.Ms Brooks: What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?Harry: Pockets.Ms Brooks: What does a dog do that a man steps into?Harry: PantsMs Brooks: Whats starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?Harry: CoconutMs Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?The principals eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.Harry: BubblegumMs Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?The principals eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.Harry: Shake handsMs Brooks: Now I will ask some Who am I sort of qu
Posted in General / Unsorted |
There are 3 hunters in the woods, theyre all telling each other what theyre are going to shoot. The first one says hes going to get a buck. So he goes out and comes back with a buck. Then the other 2 hunters ask how he did it and he says, I see tracks I follow tracks I get buck. So the second hunter says "Im gonna get a doe." So he goes out and comes back with a doe. Then the 3rd hunter asks him how he did it. The 2nd hunter says, I see tracks I follow tracks I get doe. So the 3rd hunter says, Im just gonna shoot at anything I see. So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten bruised bloody and totally trashed. And the other two hunters ask what happened and he says, I see tracks I follow tracks, I get hit by train!
Posted in Redneck |
Compton City Schools has announced that its special Ebonics version of Windows 98, Retitled Dis Be a Fresh Window has been leaked to several white suburbs, causing confusion for unsuspecting Caucasian users.
There are numerous differences between Windows 98 and the Ebonics version. When opening the Ebonics version, the familiar Windows chime is replaced with a phat getto track that melts em down wit dope-ass bass.
The opening screen features a Windows logo that is spray painted on a brick wall-along with several gangsta signs, slogans and shout outs.
On the main screen, My Computer is replaced with Dis My Shit. The Recycle Bin has been replaced with a Goodwill dumpster, and the Internet Explorer shortcut reads, Tittie & Booty Sites.
If users are logged on to a network, the Network Neighborhood is replaced with Da Hood.
Users have their choice of three animated screen savers
Marquee, a lil G spray-painting dirty words that move across the screen; Mystify, a 15-year-old crack whore giving birth to 12 children on screen, or Flying Bullets, a 64 Olds loaded with gangstas doing a desktop drive by.
Users of the Ebonics version will notice several command and dialog box changes
Break Back In = Reentry
Aww Shit, Nigga = Error
U Betta Recognize = No
Itz All Good = OK
4 Real Doe = Yes
Hold Up, Dawg = Cancel
Do Dat Shit Again = Reset
Nigga, R U Crazy? = Are You Sure?
Hunt Dat Bitch Down = Find
Put A Cap In It = Delete
Games & Shit = Programs
Letter Shit = Documents
The Ebonics version comes standard with a special edition of Microsoft Works titled Homie Essentials. The word-processing program greatly differs from the mainstream program.
Several functions on the title bar have been changed
Dat be Thang = File
I Be Seein It = View
Put Sumpin In = Insert
Hook It Up = Format
Stuff I Aint Need = Tools
Number Shit = Table
Break In = Window
What Da Fuck? = Help
Note Stuff I Aint Need does not include spelling or grammar check options. Also, the familiar AutoCorrect has been replaced with Keepin It Real.
Posted in Foul Language |