Things (NOT) to Do or Say at or for Your Thesis Defense

1. Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise for the singing of our National Anthem…

2. Charge 25 cents a cup for coffee.

3. Charge the mound when a professor beans you with a high fast question.

4. Describe parts of your thesis using interpretive dance.

5. Musical accompaniment provided by…

6. Stage your own death/suicide.

7. Lead the specators in a Wave.

8. Have a sing-a-long.

9. You call THAT a question? How the hell did they make you a professor?

10. Ladies and Gentlemen, as I dim the lights, please hold hands and

concentrate so that we may channel the spirit of Lord Kelvin…

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