Ryans Law: Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert.

Yo mama is like a bus. Shes big, doesnt smell very good, and its only $1.00 to ride!

A young girl is wandering through a park in the pouring rain, when she comes across 3 dogs. Being a bit of an animal lover, she approaches them, bends down and starts to stroke one of them: Ah, youre lovely, arent you? she says to the first dog. Whats your name? To her surprise, the dog actually answers her, My names Huey, and Ive had a great day going in and out of puddles.

Delighted with this discovery, she moves on to the next dog. And whats your name then? Again, unbelievably, the 2nd dog answers her, My names Lewy, and Ive had a great day going in and out of puddles. And so she moves on to the last dog. Let me guess, she says. your names Dewy, and youve had a great day going in and out of puddles.

No, replies the last dog. My names Puddles, and Ive had an awful day!

Help Wanted: Telepath.

You know where to apply.

Q: What happened to the Polish National Library?

A: Someone stole the book.

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyones whipped and hungry. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that theyll eat everything by the time he gets back. Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles graves that they wont touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady. Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless. "I NEED FOOD!" he says with a hint of dementia in his voice. "NO!" Joe retorts. "We promised." Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a rock. "Just for that, Im not going."

Q. Do you know what an Australian kiss is?

A. Its like a French kiss, but down under.

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. Hurry! she said, stand in the corner. She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. Dont move until I tell you to, she whispered. Just pretend youre a statue.

Whats this, honey? the husband inquired as he entered the room.

Oh, its just a statue, she replied nonchalantly. The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too. No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

Here, he said to the statue, eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water.

Whats the easiest way for a wife to cause hearing loss in her husband?

Say she wants to talk to him.

Were there any new orders while I was out? asked the shop manager his new assistant.

Only one, she replied. Two men ordered me to put up my hands while they took the safe.