Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, but only after asking Why?

A sign was hung in an office window. It read:

Help wanted.
Must type 70 words a minute.
Must be computer literate.
Must be bilingual.
An equal opportunity employer.

A dog was ambling down the street and saw the sign. He
looked at it for a moment, pulled it down with his mouth,
and walked into the managersrs office, making it clear he
wished to apply for the job.

The office manager laughed and said, I cant hire a dog
for this job.

The dog pointed to the line: An equal opportunity
employer.

So the manager said, OK, take this letter and type it.
The dog went off to the word processor and returned a
minute later with the finished letter, perfectly
formatted.

The manager said, Alright, heres a problem. Write a
computer program for it and run it.

Fifteen minutes later, the dog came back with the correct
answer.

The manager still wasnt convinced. I still cant hire
you for this position. Youve got to be bilingual.

The dog looked up at the manager and said, Meow.

Dos amigas están charlando:

Tía, ¿qué te pasa que estás tan triste?

¡Joder, es que nadie quiere follarme porque mi chocho apesta!

Bah, no te preocupes, yo conozco a un boxeador al que le machacaron la nariz durante una pelea y ahora el pobre no puede oler nada. Te lo presento y verás qué bien.

Total que la chica queda con el boxeador y todo va bien hasta que se meten en la cama… De improviso, el boxeador se levanta y empieza a vestirse.

Pero, hombre, ¿qué te pasa?

Me voy, el chocho te huele demasiado.

¡Pero si tú no puedes oler nada!

¡Sí, pero ya los ojos me están llorando!

1. Whine



2. When asked if something is bothering you, you reply no.

Then get mad when you are believed.



3. Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties,

start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior.



4. Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.



5. Whine.



6. If you are trying to sleep, its because youre exhausted from your

almost super-human level of daily achievement; if he is trying to

sleep, its because he is lazy.



7. If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.



8. If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.



9. Demand to be treated as an equal in everything. Except when paying

for meals, plane tickets, concerts, beers, etc. These are required

gifts proving his love.



10. Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle,

tell him youre irregular from all of the stress of your life.



11. Remember that any woman who so much as looks at your boyfriend

must be labeled a whore and your network of friends must be informed

immediately to spread this as quickly as possible.



12. Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about

doing anything other than catering to your needs.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Harriet!
Harriet who?
Harriet it up!

Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctors, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And the #1 reason why God created Eve…

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, I can do better than that!

Why are camels called ships of the desert?

– They are full of Arab semen.

Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?

A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

A blonde was driving across several states to go visit her family. She was five hours late and her family was getting worried. When she finally got there she explained that she had seen 10 signs that said “CLEAN RESTROOMS AHEAD…”

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
FemaleAny part under a cars hood.
MaleThe strap fastener on a womans bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
FemaleFully opening up ones self emotionally to another
MalePlaying football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
FemaleThe open sharing of thoughts and feelings with ones partner.
MaleLeaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n
FemaleA desire to get married and raise a family.
MaleNot trying to pick up other women while out with ones girlfriend.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v.
FemaleA good movie, concert, play or book.
MaleAnything that can be done while drinking and ends with sex
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
FemaleAn embarrassing by-product of digestion.
MaleA source of entertainment, self-statement male bonding.
7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
FemaleThe greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve.
MaleCall it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
FemaleA device for changing from one TV channel to another.
MaleA device for scanning through all 175 channels every 5 minutes.