En el ejército estaban reclutando a gente para ir a la guerra. En eso, llega un gay a reclutarse, los reclutadores se quedan asombrados de como un gay se iba a reclutar y le dicen, ¿por qué te reclutas?, y el contesta, porque amo a mi país.

Entonces lo reclutan, y pasan los años y el gay es llamado, y lo mandan a la guerra. Un día el capitán del escuadrón decide hacer una emboscada al enemigo y se esconden detrás de una colina, llega el momento y disparan, pero no contaban con que el enemigo era más poderoso así que deciden huir, corren y se refugian detrás de otra colina y el capitan susurra:

No hagan ruido, de lo contrario nos van a coger.

En eso el gay se levanta y grita:

!Aquí estamos, aquí estamos!

My friend has a baby. Im recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

A blind man is seeking employment at a lumber yard as a salesmen.

The manager who is interviewing the man tells him that he is more than qualified for the position other than the fact that in order to sell the lumber he would have to see it to know the size and kind of wood he was selling.



No replied the blind man, I do not have to see it, all I have to do is smell it.He then asked the manager to test him on this by placing any size and type of lumber he wanted on his desk and without touching it he would identify it.



The manager agreed and placed a 8 Ft x 2in x 4 in piece of pine on his desk.



The blind man smelled it once and correctly indentified it as a 8 ft. x 2in x 4in piece of pine.



The manager then tested him with a 4ft x 4in x 4in piece of oak.



Immediately the blind man identified it as a 4ft x 4in x4in piece of oak.



Thinking he could trick the blind man, the manager got his secretary to strip and lay naked on the desk.



The blind man smelled her up and down, then up and down again. Scratching his head he said, You almost fooled me, but thats a shit house door off of a fishing boat.

A car drives up to a farmers house, a man gets out, knocks on the door, and the farmer opens it. A friend told me you have a mule that points quail, said the stranger, is that true?? Sure is, said the farmer, would you like to see him work? The strangers said, Sure. Soon they were walking through a field, when the mule suddenly stopped and struck a beautiful point. The farmer walks ahead of the mule and scares up a big covey of quail. This goes on a half dozen more times…the mule points…the farmer scares up the covey. Finally, the stranger says, Thats enough, Ive got to have that mule. He aint for sale, said the farmer. Ill give you $50,000.00 for him, said the stranger. Well, the farmer couldnt refuse such a big offer, so he sold him. The next night, the farmers phone rang…it was the stranger. What the hells wrong with this damed mule you sold me?, he screamed…all hes done all day is stand belly deep in my pond!! Well, said the farmer, I guess I shoulda told you……hed rather fish than hunt.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

63. Follow him/her around on weekends.

Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them.

-Home

Q: Which is the odd one out – a refrigerator, a washing machine, a TV or a woman?

A: The TV because all the others leak when theyre fucked!

There was a brunette, a blonde, and a redhead and they were in the third grade. Who had the biggest tits?

The blonde, because she was

18.

I got this one from my Uncle over the Christmas Holidays, Ive no idea
where he got it from….

A seven year-old turns up in his classroom one morning to be
confronted by his teacher:

Teacher: Morning Tommy, and why werent you at school yesterday?

Tommy: Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt.

Teacher: Oh Dear, he wasnt too badly hurt I hope?

Tommy: Oh yes Miss, they dont fuck around at those crematoriums.