A man walked into a Wendys with his ostrich and ordered a combo #3 and the woman behind the counter asked Well what about your ostrich?

The man said oh, hell have a Pepsi



The woman said ok thatll be $7.81



The man reached into his pocket and pulled out exactly $7.81 in change.



The same thing happened 2 more times. Finially the woman asked How do you keep pulling out the exact right amount in change??



The man replied Well I was cleaning out my attic and i found a lamp i rubbed it and a Genie cam out and offered me 2 wishes and my first wish was to have all the money for everything i wanted. The woman said Ok and the ostrich??



The man said I wished for a chick with long legs.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Vera!
Vera who?
Vera all the flowers gone…!

Never blame a legislative body for not doing something. When they
do nothing, they dont hurt anybody. When they do something is when they
become dangerous.

The secret of success is sincerity.
Once you can fake that youve got it made.

Birth Control Pills At 72?

An elderly woman went into the doctors office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, Id like to have some birth-control pills.

Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but youre 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?

The woman responded, They help me sleep better.

The doctor thought some more and continued, How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?

The woman said, Simple, I put them in my granddaughters orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night.

A man, heavily drunk, went to church on a Sunday, few minutes before the mass began. The priest, who was standing outside the church, asked him, “Don’t you now that it is a sin to come to church after drinking alcohol?” The man replied coolly, “I know that, Father. I have come to confess, to purge my sins.”

A man was doing a study of childrens senses in a first-grade class using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave the children all the same kind of Lifesaver and asked them, What is the flavor, and what color is it? The children began to say, Red . . . cherry . . . yellow . . . lemon . . . lime . . . green . . . orange . . . orange.

Finally, he gave them all honey Lifesavers. The children suck on them for a while, but cant decipher the taste. Well, he said, Ill give you a clue. Its what your mother would call your father.

One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled: Everybody spit it out, theyre assholes!

Microsoft denies link to loss of programmers

While acknowledging that such a typographical error would have undefined results at run time, and that error trapping in the compiler was not totally comprehensive, a Microsoft spokesperson denied that the recent demise of several Beta testers was linked to a typo they may have made while using the EXECUTE_PROGRAM_IMMEDIATE API using Neural C.

Such a typo has been linked in persistent rumors surrounding the as yet unreleased product Windows TP. It is reported to have occurred when programmers using the EXECUTE_PROGRAM_IMMEDIATE API inadvertently typed EXECUTE_PROGRAMMER_IMMEDIATE.

Internal sources who wished to remain unnamed commented, This is BETA software after all and bugs are to be expected, We cant trap every error a user may make, and Any one who uses undocumented calls is on their own!

Microsoft did say that it was unlikely that this problem would be addressed before release 2.0. So far, we have not received a single bug report from a Beta tester experiencing this problem, so we do not see this as a critical market issue.

Originally from Dave Coble
Read also:
Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5

Owners of Target franchises make plans to open stores back up again.
Instead of saying We are under attack, please take shelter, citizens are now told, Here we go again, you know the drill.
Everyone wears sunglasses all the time.
Sarcastic giggling heard just behind live CNN reporters.
Yesterdays lead headline in most Iraqi newspapers was NBA Lockout Continues.
Every time a bomb explodes, Iraqi class clown yells out, Oh my Allah, youve killed Achmet! You INFIDELS!
Instead of running for cover at the sound of the air raid sirens, the Iraqis do the Tomahawk Chop.
Husseins latest address to the nation included the line, We must resist the Great Satan, yadda yadda yadda….
Christiane Amanpour is being invited to rooftop bomb watching parties all over Baghdad.
Baghdad Highs senior class has playfully painted a bulls-eye on the roof of the school.
Iraqi Television Network preempts Husseins speech to show Baywatch.
Instead of running down streets aflame screaming, people now run down rubble-strewn streets aflame screaming.
Maps of Baghdad being divided into numbered grids and sold on street corners to play Cruise Missle Bingo.
Baghdad weather girls point to the map and say, Scattered B-52 bombings and cruise missile strikes tonight through the early morning, with light rocket attacks tomorrow, clearing off by noon.
We could be killed by a bomb any second no longer an effective pickup line in Iraqi bars.
Children try to catch falling shrapnel on their tongues.
Every Iraqi citizen has been issued a catchers mitt.
Students anxiously listen to the radio each morning to listen for school closings.
Even the ever-hilarious Sorry, that was me – mustve been those BEANS I ate! jokes are wearing thin.

But the number ONE sign of indifference among the Iraqi populace …

Gag gift sales soar with the release of the new Magnetic Hat

A guy and his friend go to a little coffee shop, and
the guy orders a hamburger. The guy behind the counter
spits in his hands and rubs them against each
other, grabs a chunk of ground beef from a dirty
bowl with flies flying around, and spits on the
grill. Then he puts the chunk of beef under his
armpit to make a patty and then throws the patty on
the grill.

The guy ordering the hamburger looks at his friend
and says, God damn, that is gross. The friend
says, Thats nothing, you should see how he makes
the donuts.