Disorder in Court
From a little book called Disorder in the Court. These are things that people actually said in court, word for word.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth. Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis–does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that youve forgotten?
Q: How old is your son–the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I cant remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, Where am I Cathy? Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost
499. Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and
500.
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident? Q: and, before the accident?
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or a cult?
A: We both do. Q: Voodoo?
A: We do. Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir. Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
Q: Now doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnt know about it until the next morning?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes. Q: How many were boys?
A: None. Q: Were there any girls?
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didnt you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir. Q: And you took your new wife
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.