During the Popes recent visit to the US, there was a woman interviewed on the news who is associated with a group that is fighting to have the curch allow women to become priests.
At one point she said: There are church officials who tell us that women cannot become priests because there were no women at the Last Supper. I would have to respond: Who do you think cooked the food? Who served? And who cleaned up afterward?
A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat. His first words were Im sorry dear but Im up to my neck in work today.She replied, Well Ive got some good news and some bad news for you dear.He replied, OK honey, but Ive got no time now, just give me the good news.Well, the air bag works!
The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable.
Jesus Christ! he exclaimed.
Joseph said, Write that down one, Mary – its better than Walter.
Honey Im home
Even the pool table doesnt have balls!
There was this gay guy, a cigarette dude, and a donut eater. and they were all in hell because they were either gay, smoked cigarettes, or ate donuts. And the devil said i will let u go back to earth if u quit these habits. So they said ok and they went back to earth and they were all walking down the street. Then they all saw a donut store and the donut man ran in and as soon as he touched the donut POOF!! He was gone. so the other two continued walking and the cigarette dude saw a cigarette on the ground and he started to BEND OVER to pick it up and POOF!!! The gay guy disappeared.
Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father. Dad, today we had a Spelling Class – All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?
No son, thats because you are intelligent.
Bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, Dad, today we had Math class – All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??
No son, thats because you are intelligent, replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father, Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was atleast twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??
The father replies, No son, thats because you are 31 years old.
One fall day, Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse
going down the street, followed by another hearse, followed by a
man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200
men walking in single file.
Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and
asked who was in the first one. My wife, the man replied.
Im sorry, said Dave. What happened to her?
My dog bit her and she died.
Dave was taken aback. And whos in the second hearse?
My mother-in-law. My dog bit her too and she died as well.
Dave asked, Can I borrow your dog?
Get in line.
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street
with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "Ive got to take you
in, pal. Youre obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely
sure Im drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, Im sure," said the copper.
"Lets go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank
goodness, I thought I was crippled."
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the FDAs suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can
sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
Mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible or bulletproof.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally
disappear.