There was this man walking on the beach and he found a bottle. He rubbed it and a genie came out and said, I will grant you 3 wishes.
The man wished for money. POOF! The genie gave him billions of dollars – more than a man could spend in a lifetime.
The man wished for health. POOF! The genie gave him a perfectly healthy body.
The man wished for happiness. The genie raised his hands to grant the wish, then said, Master, I cannot do that. You need to find that happiness… in your heart. In return for the failed wish, the genie gave the man more money.
gavinfx@yahoo.com
05
May
05
May
Whats the difference between light and hard?
You can go to sleep with the light on.
04
May
Una monja iba caminando con un grupo de internas por un pasillo cuando, repentinamente, vio un hombre bien formado y desnudo, tirado en el suelo. Ella pensó que sus alumnas no debÃan ver aquello y decide sacrificar su pudor y castidad sentándose sobre él, tapándolo con su hábito. Al poco rato de estar sentada empieza a decir:
¡Ay, san Eloy: esto no lo habÃa sentido hasta hoy!
¡Ay, san Alejo: se me esta encogiendo hasta el pellejo!
¡Ay, san Bartolino: siento que me orino!
¡Ay, Santa Marta: esto mide más de una cuarta!
¡Ay, san Federico: mira que esto es rico!
¡Ay, san Clemente: mira que esto está caliente!
¡Ay, san Iván: hasta las bolas se me van!
¡Ay, san Fernando: siento que me estoy mojando!
¡Ay, santo Tomás: siento que no puedo más!
¡Ay san Rosendo: ¿será que me estoy viniendo?!
¡Ay, san Bernabé: siento que ya acabe!
¡Ay, santa Canuta: después de esto me vuelvo puta!
04
May
En una oficina gubernamental:
DÃgame su nombre.
Pepepedro Pepepérez.
¿Es usted tartamudo?
No, el tartamudo era mi padre, y el del Registro Civil un maldito.
04
May
Con la voz ronca por las ansias, el novio dice a la novia:
¡Ãndale, Elena, desvÃstete mi reina!
¿Q-Qué me queeé?
¡Qué te encueres! ¿Acaso no estamos ya casados?
SÃ, pero… ¡todavÃa estamos en la sacristÃa!
04
May
A bartender asks a guy sitting at the bar, Whatll you have?
A scotch, please. The guy replied.
The bartender gives him the drink and says, Thats five dollars. What are you talking about? the man replies. I dont owe you anything for this.
The fellow sitting next to him at the bar was a lawyer, who decided to get into the discussion. You know, he tells the bartender, hes got you there. In the original offer, constituting a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of payment.
The irritated bartender says to the first guy, Fine. You beat me for a drink. But I dont ever want to see you in here again.
The following day, the very same guy comes back into the bar. The bartender says, What the heck are you doing in here? I told you not to come back!
The guy replies, What are you talking about? Ive never been in this place before in my life!
The bartender looks confused. Im sorry then, but this is really weird. You must have a double.
The man immediately replies, Thank you very much! Make it a scotch.
04
May
The Father, passing thru the sons college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy.
Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door.
After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. Whaddya want?
Does Jimmy Duncan live here? asked the father.
Yeah! replied the voice. Dump him on the front porch and well take care of him in the morning.
04
May
Un homme a dit au ringmaster quil etait interesse a joindre le cirque comme lion plus docile. Le ringmaster a demande sil avait nimporte quelle experience que lhomme a dit, pourquoi, oui. Mon pere etait un des tamers de lion les plus celebres dans le monde, et il ma enseigne que tout quil a su. vraiment? a dit le ringmaster. il vous a enseigne comment faire un lion sautent par un cercle flamboyant? oui il , lhomme repondu. et il vous a enseigne comment faire former six lions une pyramide? oui il , lhomme repondu. et ayez-vous jamais coince votre tete dans la bouche dun lion? juste une fois, lhomme a repondu. Le ringmaster a demande, pourquoi seulement une fois? Lhomme a dit, je recherchais mon pere.
04
May
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, And what starting salary were you looking for?
The Engineer said, In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.
The interviewer said, Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund for 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every 2 years-say, a red Corvette?
The Engineer sat up straight and said, Wow! Are you kidding?
And the interviewer replied, Yeah, but you started it
04
May
What is the fastest speed of sex?