Saint Peter is standing at the gates of Heaven when nature calls. He asks Jesus
to take his place and tells Jesus what to do.
After a while, an old man approaches the gates and Jesus proceeds to ask him
some questions, What was your occupation?
The old man answers, I was a carpenter.
Jesus asks, Did you have any children?
Well, answers the old man, I had a son, but he left me a long time ago. He
had holes in his hands and feet.
Father? asks Jesus surprised.
The old man asks, Pinocchio?
A lady goes to the dentist. In the chair, the dentist notices a little brown spot on one of her teeth.
Aha, cavity! Ill have to drill this one out! says the dentist. Oh no, Id rather have a child!!! cries the lady.
In that case, I will have to adjust the chair first replies the dentist.
You might be a redneck if…
A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear: Journal of Commerce, April 20
Biting nails can be sign of tenseness in a person: The Daily Gazette of Schenectady, New York, May 2
Lack of brains hinders research: The Columbus Dispatch, April 16
How we feel about ourselves is the core of self-esteem, says author Louise Hart: Boulder, Colorado, Sunday Camera, February 5
Fish lurk in streams: Rochester, New York, Democrat & Chronicle, January 29
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.
Q: What was the real purpose of Bills college visit to Moscow?
A: To study economics.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.
Tres amigos estaban holgazaneando en una esquina, por lo que uno propone una competencia para ver quien puede escribir con la orina la palabra Ecuador en el suelo.
El primero lo intenta y sólo alcanza a escribir Ecu. El segundo logra escribir Ecua, y el tercero escribe Ecuado. En eso estaban, cuando se acerca un negro esmeraldeño como de tres metros de alto que les pregunta:
Y Uds. ¿qué es lo están haciendo aqu�
Nosotros estamos haciendo una apuesta, para ver quien escribe Ecuador con los orines en el suelo.
Eso no es nada, yo puedo escribir Ecuador: paÃs amazónico, ayer, hoy y siempre. Viva la patria.
A ver, escribe, le dicen incrédulos.
Ya, pero tú me la manejas porque yo soy analfabeto.
Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum.
Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it.
They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do?
He thinks for a minute and says, Well its used to being in its mothers pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in there it will calm down.
She exclaims, Im not going to do that! That thing is smelly and nasty!
The husband replies, Well, why dont you just hold its little nose!
Yo momma id so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes!