Old and New Jokes

A couple was touring a shipyard area in a coastal city of Italy when they saw a strange looking craft. They stopped and asked a worker, Sir, is that a U-boat?

No, he replied, shesa belonga to da goverment.

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldnt figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy took off running.

The first boy couldnt understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away.



The boy said to his friend, My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran.

Drews Law of Highway Biology: The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

Youre so ugly, your mom has to tie a steak around your neck just to get the dog to play with you.

1. Your family secretly tells you theyre taking to you to Disneyland, but for some odd reason they blindfold you for the whole ride, and when they take it off the blindfold your at a psychiartirst. You start having complex dreams about Youthink and the members.

2. You start comparing your friends to the members on the site.

3. While buying lotto tickets, you have a list of your favorite members birthdays.

4. You start remembering passages out of your term papers so that you can use them in an argument here.

5. Whenever you hear a question, you wonder if you can add it here.

6. You skipped a party with your friends so you could stay on here, drink a bottle on vodka, and pretend you are drinking with other members.

7. You start to mention this site and quoting what other members said on a thread at parties or when you get together with family/friends.

8. Its 2:30 am on a school night, and you tell yourself just five more minutes and 2 hours later you are still here.

9. Youre late to work everyday becuase you lost track of time on here.

10.When you have a crush on a YT member that youve never seen before.

11. You start buying girfts for every member on the birthday page.

12. When you walk past the computer, you automatically log on to Youthink and see whats going on.

13. While you are away from Youthink, all you can really think about is what you are missing.

14. You tell your self that you will stop comming here less and less, but find your self being on here much more than you were before.

15. When you think about this site not being on the internet anymore you get really depressed and start to cry.

16. The first thing you do when you get home is log on.

17. You wont talk to any of the newbies becuase you are mad at them for taking all of the fun.

18. You start calling Youthink your second home.

19. You start having complex dreams about Youthink and the members.

20. The only reason you pay your intern

You might be a redneck if…
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.

You know youre a redneck if your house still has the WIDE LOAD sign on the back.

A man working at a lumberyard is pushing a tree through a saw when he accidentally shears off all then of his fingers. He rushes to the emergency romm of a nearby hospital where the awaiting doctor takes a look and says, Yuck! Well, give me the fingers and Ill see what I can do.

I havent got the fingers. The doctor says, What do you mean, you havent got the fingers? This is the age of medical advances. Weve got microsurgery and all sorts of incredible techniques! Why didnt you bring me the fingers?

Well, heck, doctor. I tried, but I couldnt pick em up!

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, Sorry, we dont give beer to bears in bars.
The bear replies, If you dont give me a beer, Ill eat that lady over there.

The bartender says, Go ahead.

So the bear eats the lady and asks for a beer. The bartender says, Sorry, we dont give beer to bears on drugs.

What do mean, says the bear. Im not on drugs.

Yes, you are, that was the barbituate.

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and hell believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Why does sour cream have an Expiration date?

Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in adultery?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

If con is the opposite of pro, then what is the opposite of progress?

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didnt grow in it?

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to cure it?

Why do we wash bath towels? Arent we clean when we use them?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why doesnt glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as 4s?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have an s in it?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?