Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
20
Apr
20
Apr
Whats the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
20
Apr
Q. Whats the difference between an aerobics instructor and a well mannered professional torturer?
A. The torturer would apologize first.
Q. Why did the aerobics instructor cross the road?
A. Someone on the other side could still walk.
Q. What do aerobics instructors and people who make bacon have in common?
A. They both tear hams into shreds.
Q. How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four!…Three!…Two!…One!
Q. An ethical lawyer, an honest politician, and a merciful aerobics instructor all fall out of an airplane. Which one hits the ground first?
A. It doesnt matter – none of them exist.
Q. What do you call an aerobics instructor who doesnt cause pain and agony?
A. Unemployed.
Q. Whats the difference between an aerobics instructor and a dentist?
A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.
20
Apr
You might be a redneck if…
Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.
20
Apr
What do you call a dead athiest?
All dressed up and no place to go!
20
Apr
Morris was telling his friend Mendel a joke, Mandelbaum and Rosenstern were talking one day…
Right away, his friend, Mendel, interrupts him, Always with the Jewish jokes! Give it a rest! Why do they always have to be about Jews? Dont you know some jokes that arent about Jews!
So he starts again, Okay, Hashimoto and Suzuki were talking one day at their nephews Bar Mitzvah…
20
Apr
Little Johnny has to stay at Grandmas for the weekend. Being an old school gal, bathing Little Johnny with her, Grandma sees no harm. So, there they are in the shower and Johnny points to Grandmas crotch and says, Grandma, whats that?!?
Grandma, somewhat shocked, quickly replies, Thats my beaver, Johnny.
Oh, okay. And this answer seems to appease Johnnys curiousity.
Well, Johnny returns home, and one morning, Mom is running late for work. She decides that to save time, shed bathe Johnny with her. Off to the shower, and once again, Johnny sees something not so familiar to him. Mom, whats that? asks Johnny pointing to Moms nether regions.
Taken back, Mom says, Johnny, thats my beaver.
Johnny replies, I thought so. I think Grandmas is dead. Its tongue is hanging out and its all gray and wrinkled!
19
Apr
You think Wal-Mart is expensive.
Youve got more guns On Display than Wal-Mart Sporting Goods.
You have ever written a check for less than a dollar.
19
Apr
Q: How do you make an oboist play a sustained A-flat?
A: Steal his batteries.
19
Apr
Q: How many gun control advocates does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Let the police do it – private citizens cant be trusted with light bulbs !