Old and New Jokes

Q: What did the lady at the beach say to Michael Jackson?

A: Hey, get out of my son!

You might be a redneck if you had to remove your toothpick for the wedding pictures!

ME? A GREAT LEADER?

ME, START A VANGUARD PARTY TO LEAD THE WORKING CLASS TO
REVOLUTION? YOU MUST BE KIDDING!

JUST IMAGINE BEING A RESPECTED AND BELOVED FATHERLY LEADER UNDER WHOSE
WISE GUIDANCE THE REVOLUTIONARY MASSES WILL FORGE AHEAD DAILY WITH THE
FIERY ZEAL OF A SPEED-UP CAMPAIGN!!!!

Over the past few years, Party Builders Associates has aided countless
individuals and groups to form vanguard parties intelligently tailored
to their own needs. These people are now leading creative, happy lives
fighting one another. What weve done for others, we can do for you.
A few minutes filling out the following questionnaire may be the best
investment youll ever make. Your answers will enable Party Builders
Associates, preserving strict confidentiality, to work out a party
program that is JUST RIGHT for you and your friends.
And now, heres the questionnaire. We advise using a pencil, since these
are by no means easy questions, and your party will not be able to alter
the positions taken here without seriously damaging your credibility
among the workers.

1) The Russian Revolution turned away from socialism in:
[] (a) 1917
[] (b) 1927
[] (c) 1953
[] (d) 1957
[] (e) It hasnt yet, but my group will be the first to denounce it when it does

2) Black people are:
[] (a) A nation
[] (b) A nation of a new type
[] (c) A super-exploited sector of the working class
[] (d) Petit-bourgeois
[] (e) A colony
[] (f) Please send me more information about this controversial group

3) The main danger facing the workers vanguard in the present epoch is:
[] (a) Right opportunism
[] (b) Left sectarianism
[] (c) Right opportunism masking as left sectarianism
[] (d) My parents
[] (e) Other (please specify)

4) Rather than focus on narrow economic issues, my party will offer a
cultural critique of life in advanced capitalist countries. The following
are signs of capitalist decadence:
[] (a) Feminism
[] (b) Trotskyism
[] (c) Pornographic movies
[] (d) Recent price increases in pornographic movies
[] (e) Other (please give exact details)

5) I would like to include the following in the title of my party:
[] (a) Labor
[] (b) Workers
[] (c) Revolutionary
[] (d) Socialist
[] (e) Communist
[] (f) Vanguard
[] (g) Progressive
[] (h) October(November)
[] (i) United
[] (j) International
[] (k) World
[] (l) Movement
[] (m) M
[] (n) L
[] (o) All of the above

[reprinted from The Fifth Estate, Detroit, MI, whatever the hell that is]
[ Reputedly now defunct ]

Wuz de night befo Crismus

An all ober de hood

Everybody wuz sleepin

Day wuz sleepin good.

Everbody wuz sleepin

all tight in they beds

Whilst Thunderbird Wine

Danced in they heads

I was passed out on de flo

Right next to my Ma

When I heard such a fuss

I thinked It must be de law!!

I looked out tru de barz

dat covered my do

Spectin de sherif

with a warrant fo sho!

Now ober de years

Sanny Claws, he be white.

But it lookin like us bros

got a black Sanny dis night

Now what I did see

made me say LAWD Lood at dat!

It was a huge watermellon cadi

pulled by dwarf rats

Faster than a po-lice car

True de air he came

an whupped up on dem warf rats

an called emm by name.

On Leroy, on Kendrick,

On Jontarious Lee, on Falacious

They was a sight to see

He didnt go down no chimbly

-just picked de lock on my do

An I says to myself-

Shit! He done did befo!

He had a big sack

full of presents I spect

With Air Jordans and Fake Gold

to go round my neck.

But he didnt leave any presents

-just started steelin my shit

He got my drugs, my stoled guns

an even my burglars kit!

With his sack on his back

Out de winder he flew

I sho woulda catched em,

but he stole my knife too!

He jumped on dat watermelon cadi

and pulled out a switch

He was gone in a second

dat son-of-a-bitch

I sho hope nex year

a white Sanny we git

Cause de black Sanny Claws

jus aint wuf a shit!!

You might be a redneck if…
Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.

Why are men and spray paint alike?

One squeeze and theyre all over you.

Dear God,

Please make me more tactful.

By the way, I think Lucifer did a good job of overthrowing you– I admire his courage and strength!

Oh, I also predict he will become more powerful than you sometime in the coming millenium or so!

No hard feelings! I was just speaking the truth of what I felt! See ya around!

*big grin*

Two fellows have been at the bar now for quite a while, downing several mugs with abandon. They both look at the far end of the bar, in the direction of an unattractive woman who came in a while back.

The first fellow looks back at the second fellow and says, Ya know, that woman is looking better and better, isnt she?

The second fellow takes another look at the woman, then looks back at his friend and says, well, I guess what they say is true, then, eh?

The first fellow asks, Well, what DO they say? The second fellow answers, Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder!

What do you call a French man wearing sandals?

A French soldier.

A distraught patient phoned her doctors office. Was it true, the woman wanted
to know, that the medication the doctor had prescribed was for the rest of her
life? She was told that it was. There was a moment of silence before the woman
continued, Im wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This
prescription is marked NO REFILLS.

Henry Cate III