Q: How is Bill Clinton like a passive-restraint device?
A: He is a bag of air that is not on the drivers side.
10
Apr
10
Apr
Why cant the blonde put in a light bulb?
Shey kept breaking them with the hammer.
10
Apr
This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything.
Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your wife or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list and add your name to the bottom of the list.
When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, of whom 4 were worth keeping.
REMEMBER this chain brings luck. One mans pit bull died and the next day he received a Playboy swimsuit model. An unmarried man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooters waitress and a Hollywood super model.
You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain and got his own wife back again.
Lets keep it going, men! Just add your name to the list below!
> Bill Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> William Jefferson Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> W. J. Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> William Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> W. Jefferson Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> William J. Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> Slick Willie Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington, DC
>
> Mr. Hillary Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
10
Apr
Applying for a job, the new lawyer was asked if paying back his law school tuition would be a problem.
No, he replied. I paid that back right after my first case.
Really, said the interviewer.
What case was that?
Uh–well, my dad sued me for it and won.
10
Apr
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When you are counting objects, you go 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D….
When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
When your wife says If you dont turn off that damn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!, and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
You try to s sleep(8 * 3600);
When you are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page..
When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialling an IP number…
When you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want.
When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
When you look for a icon to double-click to open your bedroom window.
When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that youre doing the math in octal.
When you look for a trash can icon for throwing garbage.
10
Apr
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to
duplicate again. See Magician.
10
Apr
A woman was walking down the street past a pet shop, and when she looked in the window there was a gorgeous parrot for sale with a sign that said $50.00.
She had always wanted a parrot, but had found them to be too expensive, so she rushed in and asked the proprietor, Why is this parrot so cheap?
Well, he replied, You see, that parrot was in a brothel for awhile, and learned some bad language, so nobody seems to want it.
How bad could it be?, the woman thought.
Finally, she decided to buy it anyway, as it was such a beautiful bird. She took it home in a cage and put it on the table.
The parrot looked around and said Awk! New House, New Madam!
Well, the woman thought, Thats not so bad.
Then the womans two daughters came home from school.
Awk!, the parrot said, New Madam, New Whores!
Well, that upset them a bit, but they tried to laugh it off, and decided that wasnt so bad either. Then the womans husband came home from work.
Awk! The parrot said, New Madam, New Whores, Same old faces! Hi George!
10
Apr
(Sent by an Italian-American friend.)
A man is walking down the street saying the most terrible things about Italians to his friend. He blames the Italians for everything, the dark ages, the black death, WW1, WW2, problems in the Catholic Church, poverty, the Vietnam war, famine in Africa and so on. He is cursing the Italians in the most vile language.
Upon turning the corner they spot an Italian organ grinder with a small monkey. The Italian hating man reaches into his pocket, pulls out a few coins and places them in the cup the monkey is holding.
You hate Italians so much. How come you did that?, his friend asks.
The Italian hater replies, Oh, I do hate Italians, thats for sure, but the kids are so cute when theyre young.
10
Apr
A Muscovite asks her butcher for beef and is told there is none. She asks for
chicken. None. Lamb? None. Pork? None. Veal? None. The shopper leaves
and the butcher exclaims to his assistant, What a terrific memory!
From Suddenly, The American Idea at Home and Abroad, George F. Will,
1990, The Free Press, New York.
10
Apr
1. You ever heard the phrase, May the force be with yall.
2. Your Jedi robe is camouflage
3. You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boones Farm Strawberry Hill, or Mad Dog 20-20.
4. At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
5. You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
6. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
7. You have ever had an X-Wing up on blocks in your yard.
8. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
9. Wookies are offended by your B.O.
10. You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didnt have to wait for a commercial.
11. You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
12. Your father has ever said to you, Shoot, son come on over to the darkside… itll be a hoot.
13. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defenseelectro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
14. You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your landspeeder.
15. You think Han Solo would look better in flannel cause he looks a little sissy in that vest.
16. You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
17. You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to slide in through the window.
18. Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
19. You ever fell in love with your sister.
20. You have ever referred to Darth Vaders evil empire as them damn Yankees.
21. You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
22. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.
23. You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the cantina scene.
24. In your opinion, that Darth Vader fellow just aint right.