Drive defensively — buy a tank.
01
Dec
01
Dec
A sneaky thief stole all the lavatory fixtures from the local police station.
A police spokesman later reported that they have absolutely nothing to go on.
01
Dec
Q – What should you do when you see ex-husband rolling
around in pain on the ground?
A – Shoot him again.Q – Why do little boys whine?
A – Theyre practicing to be men.Q – How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A -Three – one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.Q – What do you call a handcuffed man?
A – Trustworthy.Q – What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A – You didnt hold the pillow down long enough.Q – Whats the best way to kill a man?
A – Put a six-pack and a naked woman in front of him and ask him to choose just one.Q – What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A – They either cling, run, or dont fit right in the crotch.
01
Dec
This woman goes into a dentists office, after he is through examining her he says: I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth.
The woman then says: Ooooohhhh, the pain is so awful Id rather have a baby!
To which the dentist replies, Make up your mind lady, Ill have to adjust the chair!
01
Dec
A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel.
The ensigns efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.
He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules — make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way!
01
Dec
You might be a redneck if…
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
01
Dec
10) Cats facial expressions.9) The need for the same style of shoes indifferent colors.8) Why bean sprouts arent just weeds.7) “Fat” clothes.6) Taking a car trip without trying to beatyour best time.5) The difference between beige, off-whiteand eggshell.4) Cutting your bangs to make them grow.3) Eyelash curlers.2) The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale evermade.1) Other women.
01
Dec
A man walks into the bar and orders 2 shots of whiskey and the man drinks one and pours the other shot in his hand, the man did this 3 times before the bartender finally asks him —-why is it you drink 1 shot and pour the other in your hand.
The man replies, Im getting my girl friend drunk!
30
Nov
Jaimito que vé a sus padres desnudos y les pregunta:
Papá, ¿que es eso?
Nada, hijo un peine.
Mamá, ¿y eso?
Nada hijo también un peine.
¡Pues el de papá es de mejor calidad porque tiene mango!
30
Nov
En esta época se habla mucho de la paz y de los procesos que muy posiblemente producirán resultados para alcanzarla. Por eso, ahora, es importante conocer el glosario de la paz.
La paloma: Es el pájaro de la paz.
La mujer: Es la paz del pájaro.
El soltero: No deja el pájaro en paz.
La soltera: Conoce el pájaro, pero no la paz.
La divorciada: Perdió la paz y el pájaro.
La casada: Tiene seguro el pájaro y la paz.
El viejo: Tiene el pájaro en paz.
La vieja: DeberÃa estar en paz pero siempre está pensando en el pájaro.
El maricón: Quiere la paz por delante y el pájaro por detrás.