I was pulled over for drunk driving by a female police officer. She said to me Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you.So I said Breasts
10
Dec
09
Dec
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Wheelbarrow!
Wheelbarrow who?
Wheelbarrow some money and go on holiday!
09
Dec
A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:
Man: Whats the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: Im also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didnt know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, youve known about that tail light for weeks.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: Im also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Maam, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when hes drunk.
09
Dec
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade, Who has the biggest tits? The blonde, because shes 18.
09
Dec
Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
A: Foreign Ambassador
09
Dec
No se tome la vida tan seriamente.
Igualmente no va a salir vivo de ella.
Amigos se ganan y se pierden.
Enemigos se acumulan.
Dime con quien andas y te diré si voy contigo.
Funcionarios públicos:
Nunca tantos hicieron tan poco en tan poco tiempo.
Cualquier idiota es capaz de pintar un cuadro, pero solamente un genio es capaz de venderlo.
Más valen dos abejas volando, que una en la mano.
¿Qué les dijo el instructor de la escuela de kami-kazes a los alumnos?
Presten atención porque sólo voy a hacerlo una vez.
Todo es relativo:
El tiempo que dura un minuto depende del lado de la puerta del baño que te encuentres.
El asterisco no es nada más que un punto final hippie.
Hasta un imbécil pasa por inteligente si se queda callado.
La abogacÃa es una manera legal de burlar a la justicia.
Jurado: grupo de personas cuya tarea es decidir quién tiene el mejor abogado.
Arqueólogo: alguien cuya carrera está en ruinas.
Cultura es lo que tendrÃa el carnicero, si fuese cirujano.
Robar ideas de una persona es plagio. Robar de varias es investigación.
Vive cada dÃa como si fuese el último.
Un dÃa vas a acertar.
No tengas miedo de la prueba de SIDA.
También tiene un lado positivo.
El lado bueno del trabajo en equipo es que si algo sale mal, siempre puedes culpar a otro.
¿No te ves horrible por la mañana?
Entonces, levántate al mediodÃa.
09
Dec
Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
A: She peed on her corn flakes.
09
Dec
On the pool table, you put the balls in the hole and the stick stays out.
09
Dec
Q: How can you tell someone is a true music lover?
A: When they put their ear up to the bathroom keyhole.
09
Dec
It was time for Father Johns Saturday night bath, and young nun, Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father Johns nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.
Oh, sister, said the young nun dreamily. Ive been saved.
Saved? And how did that fine thing come about? asked the old nun Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.
Did he now? said the old nun evenly.
Sister Magdalene continued, And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.
Is that a fact? said the old nun even more evenly.
At first it hurt terribly, but Fr. John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved.
That wicked old Devil! said the old nun. He told me it was Gabriels Horn, and Ive been blowing it for 40 years!