When a womans friend was having her third baby in four years, she volunteered to keep the older two children overnight. One night turned into several, and eventually the woman was running out of supplies. She asked her husband to go over and get some things from the friends husband.
Did he give you everything? she asked.
Yes, my husband said, grinning. A box of diapers, two sacks of clothing and the childrens birth certificates.
10
Jun
10
Jun
Matsushita Electric is promoting a new Japanese PC targeted at the
Internet. Panasonic has developed a complete Japanese Web browser,
and to make the system user-friendly, licensed the cartoon
character Woody Woodpecker as the Internet guide. Panasonic
eventually planned on a world version of the product.
A huge marketing campaign was to have introduced the product in Japan
last week. The day before the ads were to be released, Panasonic
suddenly pulled back and delayed the product launch indefinitely.
The reason: the ads featured the slogan Touch Woody – The Internet
Pecker. An American staff member at the internal product launch
explained to the stunned and embarrassed Japanese what touch woody and
pecker meant in American slang.
-From EE Times, October 8, 1996
10
Jun
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
10
Jun
Do Pigs have Pen Pals?
10
Jun
how do u get sabrina to laugh on sunday?
Tell her a joke on wednesday
10
Jun
Q: What is the difference between the blonde male and the blonde female?
A: The female has the higher sperm count.
10
Jun
Shortly after being assigned to a new base, a Lieutenant and his wife were
invited to the Colonels home for an evening of bridge. The Lieutenant was
partnered with the Colonels wife and vice versa. After many hands, the
Lieutenant excused himself to use the toilet, but accidentally left the
door ajar. When the sound of splashing echoed through the family room,
his wife was greatly embarrassed and attempted to apologize, to which the
Colonels wife smiled demurely, Dont worry about it; this is the first
time all evening that Ive been able to tell what he has in his hand.
10
Jun
This is better told than read…
A bear walks into a bar and sits down.
Bartender says, What can I get you?
The bear says
Ill have a ……………………………
……………………………. Beer.
Bartender says, Whats with the paws?
10
Jun
The following appeared in Jean Goddens column in the Seattle
Post-Intelligencer on December 24, 1990 after an extraordinarily
heavy snowfall crippled transportation services:
Buss service: The Metro bus driver on No. 55 from West Seattle
Friday morning announced over the microphone: Keep pushing to the
back, folks, make a few friends. Consider this a very crowded
singles bar with bad service.
10
Jun
Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Horn broken, watch for finger.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
My kid had sex with your honor student.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply.
I.R.S.: Weve got what it takes to take what youve got.
Jesus loves you… everyone else thinks youre an asshole.
Im just driving this way to piss you off.
Reality is a crutch for people who cant handle drugs.
Keep honking, Im reloading.
Hang up and drive.
Lord save me from your followers.
Guns dont kill people, postal workers do.
Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen.
Friends dont let Friends drive Naked.
If we arent supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Diplomacy is the art of saying Nice doggie!… till you can find a rock.
Sex on television cant hurt you… unless you fall off.