Una mujer muy guapa caminando en la calle y un tipo la sigue diciéndole con insistencia:
¡Mamacita, te acompaño! ¡Andale mamacita, voy contigo! !Vámonos juntos mamacita!
Entonces la muchacha se detiene y le responde:
Mire, no se puede, usted y yo llevamos caminos distintos…
¿Por qué? dice el tipo, un poco animado.
¡Porque yo voy al super y usted va a chingar a su madre!
Your momma is so fat . . .
When she walks down the street in a yellow raincoat, people chase after her thinking they missed the bus!
Question: Why did the blonde have a briuse on her belly button?
Answer: She had a blond boyfriend.
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesnt have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, Im blonde, Im smart, I have a good job, and Im staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats Im blonde, Im smart, I have a good job and Im staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. The head stewardesses doesnt even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, I told her the front half of the airplane wasnt going to Jamaica.
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, but theyre really only one.
A young women was impressed by the massive Texan in the bar. Pardon me, sir, but can I ask about the measurements of your chest. I am amazed
Well thank you maam. Its 33 inches
Wow, around?
No, maam. Through.
Well, then, sir. What about your waist?
Its 28 inches.
Around?
No, maam. Through.
Well, then. One last question. What about the size of your private, ahh, you know.
You see, maam. Its 3 inches!
Wow, said the woman. Through?!
No, Maam. From the floor!!!
Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell. She immediately called Saint Peter and said, This is Sister Margaret. Theres been a terrible mistake! She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said hed get right on it.
The next day the nun didnt hear from Saint Peter and called him back. Please set this error straight before tomorrow, she begged. Theres an orgy planned for tonight, and everyone must attend!
Of course, Sister, he said. Ill get you out of there right away.
Apparently, her plight slipped his mind, and the following morning he received another phone call from hell. He picked up the receiver and heard,Hey, Pete, this is Maggie. Never mind!
There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine. She very pretty and he liked her a lot.
One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly, and she was absolutely gorgeous.
He began to like her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But, he was a loyal man and he wouldnt get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.
He decided that there was nothing for him to do but to break up with Lorraine and date the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldnt bring himself to do it.
One day as they were walking along the river bank, Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.
The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing…I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone…
An old professor at a university was in the habit of starting each days lecture with a vulgar joke. After one particularly egregious example, all the female studnts in the class held a meeting. They decided that the next time he spoke rudely would be the last, as they would leave the lecture hall, never to return.
The very next day, the professor walked into the hall, and began by asking,
Have you heard about the shortage of whores in India?
As one, en masse, the women in the hall rose, and began to file out.
At this point, the professor raised his hand, and cried out,
Wait, ladies! The boat doesnt leave until tomorrow!