1. Describe your problem:
__________________________________________
2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
__________________________________________
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__
5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Shot__
6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__
7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__
9. Have you made it worse? Yes__
10. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__
11. Are you sure youve read the manual? Yes__ No__
12. Are you absolutely certain youve read the manual? No__
13. Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__
14. If Yes then why cant you fix the problem yourself?
_________________
15. How tall are you? Are you above this line? __________________
16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem
occurred?
______________________________________________________
17. If nothing explain why you were logged in.
________________________________________________________________
18. Are you sure you arent imagining the problem? Yes__ No__
19. How does this problem make you feel? ____________________________
20. Tell me about your childhood. ___________________________________
21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes__ No__
22. Cant you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes_
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
47. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovics Pennsylvania Polka, and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that its an assignment for your primitive cultures class.
Even if you win the rat race, youre still a rat.
A friend and I
had joined a Weight Watchers group. At the first meeting the lecturer
asked members which food or department at the supermarket was the most
tempting to them. One man confessed that Chinese egg rolls were his greatest
weakness, and a woman said she found it almost impossible to resist anything
chocolate. Finally it was my friends turn. Taking a deep breath, she
announced, "Aisles two, three, four and five."
Wife: Give me some money. I want to buy a bra.Husband: Why? You have nothing to put in it!Wife: You wear shorts!
An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.
Shortly, he received this reply,
For HEAVENS SAKE Dad, dont dig up that garden, thats where I buried the Money!
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.
His sons reply was: Now plant your potatoes, Dad. Its the best I could do from here.
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery
presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says Hey Senior, I would like the
worlds best beer, a Corona. The bartender dusts off a bottle from the
shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says Id like the best beer in the world, give
me The King Of Beers, a Budweiser. The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says Id like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain
spring water, give me a Coors. He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says Give me a Coke. The bartender
is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask Why arent you
drinking a Guinness? and the Guinness president replies Well, if you
guys arent drinking beer, neither will I.
This little drama was told me by one of the Polish students in Oxford.
Apparently it was a popular joke in Poland during the late 80s.
Jocelyn Paine
[ Scene : The White House ]
Presidential Aide – Mr. Reagan!. Mr Reagan Sir!!! The Russians have just
landed on the Moon! And theyve started to paint it
red! What shall we do?
Ronnie – Come back when theyve finished, son.
P.A. [later] – Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have painted a quarter
of the moon red!
Ronnie – Dont worry about it, son. Tell me when theyve finished.
P.A. [still later] – Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have now painted half the
moon red! Arent you going to do anything?
Ronnie – Nope, not yet.
P.A. [still later and even more anxious]
– Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have now painted
THREE-QUARTERS of the moon red! Can we bomb them, Sir?
Please, Sir?
Ronnie – [ as before ]
P.A. – Mr Reagan. Theyve painted the WHOLE moon red!
Ronnie – OK. Now call NASA, and tell them to get a rocket up there,
with plenty of white paint, and paint Coca-Cola across
it.
Yo mama so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, the old bulb is just suffering from a cold.