After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
How about some perfume? he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.
Thats a bit much, said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
Thats still quite a bit, Tom groused.
Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.
Tom grew agitated, What I mean, he said, is Id like to see something real cheap.
So the clerk handed him a mirror.
Un matrimonio en aniversario de bodas. El esposo llora desconsoladamente.
Pero, ¿qué te pasa querido?
¿Te acuerdas que tu papá nos llevó ante el comisario y él me dijo que si no me casaba me metÃa quince años preso?
SÃ, mi amor.
Bueno, ¡hoy saldrÃa en libertad!
Manolo y Venancio están subidos en un árbol comiendo manzanas. De pronto, aparece la Guardia Civil y los ve:
Venga, bajad del árbol.
Los dos tontilandeses bajan del manzano; ya en el suelo, la Guardia Civil les pregunta:
A ver, ¿vosotros quienes sois?
Pues quiénes vamos a ser, somos los del árbol, responde con desdén Manolo.
Cierta vez, una mujer se encontraba con su amante en un restaurante:
Querido, tengo ganas que me hagas el amor en mi casa.
¿Y si llega tu marido?
No te preocupes por él: es un pendejo.
Llega la noche y, ya en la casa, los amantes están en la recámara haciendo sus cosillas, cuando entra el marido al cuarto y los sorprende in fraganti:
¿Qué están haciendo, cabrones?
¡No te digo, mi marido es un pendejo: no sabe lo que estamos haciendo!
El marido que llega a su casa muy pero muy caliente y le dice a gritos a su mujer:
Cariño, cariño, esta noche te voy a poner el chocho como un frigorÃfico.
¿Cómo, fresquito?, le responde la mujer.
No, lleno de huevos, carne y leche.
When something is new and improved, which is it? If
its new, then there has never been anything before it. If its
an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
One day a community decided that they wanted to find out whos got the most talented dog. So three people showed up. When the judges were ready, they asked a young boy with a golden retriever, What can your dog do? The boy replied,My dog can sit and stick his head out the window without drooling. Then a second girl came in with a poodle and said, Well my dog can shake hands and stick her head through the car window and sing!
While they were arguing over whose dogs the best, a boy walked in the room crying, holding a collar in his hand, but no dog was with him. The judges said, Wheres your dog? The boy said, He stuck his head out the window.
(This joke comes from folk musician Art Thieme, who told it at a
University of Chicago Folk festival)
A ranger was walking through the forest and encountered a hunter
with a rifle and a dead loon.
What in the world do you think youre doing? Dont you know that
the loon is an endangered bird?
Instead of answering, the hunter showed the ranger a trunk containing
12 more dead loons.
What on earth are you going to do with 13 dead loons? the
ranger asked.
My family eats them.
Well, what does a loon taste like?
Oh, somewhere between an American Bald Eagle and a Trumpeter Swan…
A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the
ship after a large evening ashore. As they climbed the gangway the
captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman
above him he shouted:
Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!
The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the
young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why.
Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that hed also shit in
your pants.
Bill Kennedy or bill@ssbn.WLK.COM
Among the crowd about to pass through the boarding gate at Houston Intercontinental Airport were a sailor and a girl kissing. Others were kissing, and no one paid any attention – except an idle people watcher who noted that neither the girl nor the sailor got on that plane. They simply walked over to another gate and kissed some more.